30/11/09

TO DAY IS VERY SAD.
TAPU LEFT THIS MORNING FOR BANGALORE TO SELL HER BALANCE ORNAMENTS AS GUNI
NEED MONEY FOR HER EXPENSES.
FEAR IS GRIPING AS WE LEFT NOTHING TO PROTECT OURSELVES,
EVERYTHING HAS GONE.
OTHER WOMEN WOULD NEVER HAVE PARTED WITH JEWELS AS THIS IS THEIR PRIDE.
SHE DOES NOT SAY ANYTHING BUT I UNDERSTOOD SHE IS CRYING FROM IN SIDE, I AM NOT IN
POSITION TO PROTECT HER,SUCH A ILL FATED PERSON I AM.
I AM A SPECTATOR.
SOME TIME I THINK IT IS TOO MUCH.
WE ARE PUSHING OURSELVES TO A EXTREME POINT,IT IS LIKE GAMBLING.
DON'T KNOW WHAT STORED FOR TWO OF US.

26/11/09

HAPPINESS DOES NOT LAST LONG FOR US NOW A DAYS,WHEN EVER THERE IS A RAY OF LIGHT
MIND FEAR'S DOUBTING IT'S LONGEVITY.
THIS MORNING SOW GUNI IS HAPPY,I AM HAPPY TOO,THAT IS WHAT IS REQUIRED AT THIS
POINT OF LIFE, OUR TOTAL HAPPINESS IS SURROUNDED BY HER SUCCESS AND ACHIEVEMENTS.
SHE IS TRYING HARD TO GET ASSOCIATED WITH PROFESSORS WHO CAN HELP HER TO GET IN
TO P. H D.COURSE.
HER HARD WORK SHOULD PAY.
TOLD GUNI ABOUT OUR PLAN TO GO TO CALCUTTA.
SHE ENCOURAGED.
I AM NOT VERY HAPPY TO GO AS WILL NOT BE ABLE TO GIVE ANY FINANCIAL ASSISTENCE
TO MY MOTHER,WHICH IS VERY ESSENTIAL I KNOW BUT NOT IN A POSITION TO DO SO,
HAVE TO GO AS SHE HAS GONE OLD AND I MUST SEE HER.
THIS IS MY DUTY.
BOOKED TICKET FOR ME AND TAPU FROM BANGALORE TO HOWRAH BY YASHWANTHPUR HOWRAH EXPRESS ON 06/12/09.
TICKETS ARE WAIT LISTED, HOPING TO GET CONFIRMED AT 11TH HOUR.

19/11/09

THIS MORNING HAD A TALK WITH GUNI.
I CAN UNDERSTAND SHE IS TRYING HER LABEL BEST TO REDUCE MY BURDEN AND IN THAT PROCESS
WHAT NOT SHE IS DOING WITHOUT MUCH RESULT,DESTINY IS SO IMPOTENT TO HUMAN'S LIFE.
POOR GIRL,TIME HAS TAKEN AWAY HER YOUTHFUL SMILE.
GOD IS SO POWERFUL,DON'T HAVE GUTS TO PROTEST AGAINST DECISIONS BUT BEING A FATHER
CAN'T ACCEPT.
GIRLS BELLOW PER ARE SO LUCKY,THEY ARE GETTING JOBS,
INSPITE OF HER ALL QUALITY AND ABILITY SHE IS SUFFERING..............

18/11/09

NOTHING IS COMING UP.
it's not that i am throwing my hands in air.
if god permits we have 3 options,1)my property should get sold.2)guni should get a
job.3)i should get a decent job.
if any one works every thing should fall in line.
NOTHING IS COMING UP.
SO MUCH TENSION,EVERY MORNING ALL 3 OF US HOPING SOME CHANGE WILL TAKE PLACE,OUR MISERY'S WILL BE OVER BUT NOTHING IS TAKING PLACE.
HOW LONG THIS SUFFERING WILL CONTINUE.

18/11/09

16/11/09

TO DAY GUNI CAME OUT OF SHELL,SHE HAS FINANCIAL PROBLEM AND THAT IS HER BIG CONCERN
NOW.
TAPU TOLD ME THIS WHEN I WENT FOR LUNCH.
WE HAVE DECIDED TO SELL OF SOME OF TAPU'S ORNAMENTS,SHE LEFT WITH VERY LITTLE AS DURING THE MONT OF JAN'09 SHE SOLD MOST OF THEM TO SEND GUNI ,WHAT EVER LEFT THAT TOO
WOULD BE ON SALE NOW.
DON'T HAVE CHOICE,I AM NOT CAPABLE TO ORGANIZE THAT KIND OF FUND.
I REMEMBER WHEN TAPU PLANED TO SELL HER JEWELRY TO SEND GUNI ABROAD HER SISTER OBJECTED SAYING -DO YOU WISH TO BE A BEGGAR!
DON'T KNOW ON WHAT DIRECTION WE ARE GOING,IT IS VERY DARK,FINDING IT VERY DIFFICULT
TO WALK.
DON'T HAVE SINGLE PENNY AS SAVING.WHAT EVER WE HAD ALL HAS GONE.

14/11/2009

GUNI IS IN TROUBLE,
SHE HAS PROBLEM WITH HER ROOM MET,ONE DIVYA.
I WAS TOLD SHE IS LOOKING FOR NEW ACCOMMODATION...
I CAN'T SAY GUNI HAS NO FAULT,HER PROBLEM IS SHE IS NOT LIKE MANY GIRLS,SHE HAS VALUS
AND ETHICS WHICH NOW A DAYS IS NOT VERY RELEVANT NOW A DAYS,ANOTHER ONE PROBLEM WITH HER IS SHE DOES NOT KNOW TO BOW DOWN,OBVIOUSLY MANY DOES NOT LIKE THAT,THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO THINKS THE OTHER PERSON SHOULD PUT OIL,GUNI CAN'T DO THAT.
WE WERE TAUGHT TO BE STRAIGHT FORWARD BUT IN TODAY'S WORLD THIS TERM HAS NO SEANCE. SHE IS MY DAUGHTER, SHE IS THE PERSON WHOM I LOVE THE MOST.
SHE SHOULD SUCCEED TO OVER COME ALL THESE HURDLES THAT IS THE ONLY PRAYER TO THE
ALMIGHTY.
SHE IS SUFFERING A LOT,GOD SHOULD GIVE HER PEACE.

13/11/2009

FIND LIFE IN TROUBLE,THOUGH DON'T HAVE STRENGTH TO HANDLE,BECAME VERY WEAK MENTALLY
AND PHYSICALLY,CAN'T COP ANY MORE.
MIND HAS NO WISH [AS CAN'T SEE ],BODY SLOWLY SAYING TIME IS GETTING OVER.

HAD TOO MUCH HOPE ON GUNI BUT SHE IS NOT GETTING MATURED,NOT AT ALL DEPENDABLE.
COMMITTING MISTAKE AFTER MISTAKES,IMMATURITY IS SHOWING UP IN ALL HER SOCIAL ACTIVITY'S.
VERY TAIARD , FINDING IT VERY DIFFICULT TO MOVE ON.
I AM NOT AT ALL HAPPY THE WAY GUNI AND TAPU MOVING. I AM DEPRESSED BECAUSE OF THESE
TWO ,THEY ARE NOT FIT FOR THIS WORLD,DON'T KNOW WHAT IS STORED FOR THIS FAMILY.

11/11/09

Life is not moving beyond a point,
daily same routine,siting morning to evening with displeasure,specially in the
late evening it is simply killing,frostation is so height that some time
fills to runaway but where to go that is the question.
seems all doors are closed,people are not liking me any more,no friend around,
situation is pathetic.
can't say anything to guni,she as it is in problem,running post to peeler fo her
survival as I can't support.
I lost my mobile pone and watch from my desk other day,Durai and his wife has not
taken any action to locket,they did not utter a single word .
strange but true.
these are the people I am associate with.
this is life and livelihood.

10/11/09

There are some days during morning itself you know that to day is not your day,
don't know why from morning mind is upset,my next door is creating some problem
which I am not in a position to counter,though they are wrong yet enjoying support
from a section of people,specially from house owner who seems to be blind with his
money power.
the company where I am serving is also not good, according to tapu it is very bad.
she is very upset and some extent it is justifiable also but what is the the alternative I left!
while joining I was told would give yearly bonus but did not utter a single word
on that,according to tapu even maidservants are getting financial assistance yearly
once either on Dashera or deepavali.
I have no answer for that,she have insisted me to ask but the problem is if he says
no,in that case I should leave this company on that moment,I guess can't do that as have no alternative.
Don't know whether not selling BEML property couple of months back was a wrong decision , price was very low more over Guni is insisting not to sell but this way
how long things can go!he understood my weakness,knows very well I am been trapped,
using what ever way possible.

RELIEVED

To day some what relieved,got few customers,hope by next week goods will be sold.
it was real pressure,this is my problem,always i take thinks on my head,whether
others are so relaxed.
possible because of unnecessary reason get tense and displeasure shows on my face
and behavior,others says why to die for nothing as we are salaried employee,in case
of profit would owner share with us!
i can't think that way, have never thought on that line,always kept in my mind
my job and responsibility.
But result!
Mr.Guruprasad hr of southern sales used to call me workaholic but this person
is looking for a decent job for last 10 odd years!
don't know why all these happened, only thing I know for sure this should not happen with me.
whom to blame I don't know.
Guni used to say she stood like a rock and performed well just because of my present condition.
cant comment as the price is really huge.

GUNI

02.11.2009
GUNI

TODAY GUNI'S BIRTH DAY.
Morning as usual had a talk with guni,
since the time deference is 13 and half hours in between India and Chicago called again at 10.40 and
wished her .
Tapu has gone to Bangalore to offer pooja at SAI BABA TEMPLE ,every year she perform spacial puja
on this day.
she is also sending cargo today to Guni [mostly winter cloths]

Guni is my only child,to day she is a lady of 24.
For every one his/her life is the most precious,even I also used to think on that light but now by heart
I wish GOD ALWAYS CAN TAKE MY LIFE IN CASE THAT BRINGS LONG LIFE AND PROSPERITY for GUNI.

She is very lucky for me from the day one, after her birth I got a decent job with ITC .
there after the journey was very smooth,I flourished more than my capacity,unfortunately could
not hold my fortune because lack of my knowledge and proper vision.
Her birth place Calcutta,and the hospital where she was born is Lohia matree sava sadan.
i could not be present during her birth as the company where I was engaged was seek at that point of time.
I went to Calcutta when she was 4 month's old to bring her to madras.
her Rice ceremony took place at mackies garden house,we could not call anyone as we were going
through financial problem.
with in one year of her birth i joined ITC and things were beautiful.
Guni's schooling started with SACRED HEART MATRICULATION SCHOOL [GIRLS] CHURCH PARK.
Tapu were trying for saint. auslus which is for lower middle class people but for some reason guni
could not get admission,I can remember tapu was very upset and started crying assuming that her
one year will be wasted as she has not applied to any other school ,fortunately one of the peon of church park school were saying in our locality and we were told by one of our welshers
that he can help us for admission ,he took a small bribe from us and arranged a sit .
Church park is rich peoples school also one of the famous school in madras.
All god's grace otherwise it was simply impossible.
We were in mackise garden and her school was in thousand light,5 minuets by rickshaw,she used to go
by rickshaw every day,tapu was at her service.
We moved to Kodambakkam. from there the distance was 20/30 minuits by any transport,
guni used to go mostly by auto.
Through out her academics Tapu stood as a pillar,she was like shadow
for Guni, that type of care and attention is very rare.
considering auto expenses and time factor we bought a maruti 800 with partial bank lone.
Guni's status got up graded and some what prestigious.
she was not a brilliant student,some what like me ,not too keen about studies but it was Tapu who
with her approach and guidance made her to perform .
I used to be on to tour most of the time except sun days, when ever i was at home wanted her to be with
me and insisted not to study but it was tapu who never encouraged such ideas.
As far as i remember I went to her school 3/4 times only in 13 years! on the other hand Tapu was daily
visitor whether sun or rain.
Guni has many thing's of mine,she is introverted and shie ,for our type of people it is difficult to
approach people for friendship or any relationship for that matter,we can't come out openly and easily,
that does not mean we are crooked,we are good and soft hearted people from bottom of our heart but always we
are misunderstood,by virtue we have more foes than friends.
Guni never have had many friends , her circle was restricted only in side school boundary,she was not
allowed to mingle or play with locals.

I was told by Tapu that guni is not performing well and possible she is not telling thought many a
times.
it took just a second to decide that i have to go to her school as I also have gone trough exactly with the
same phase and i was a cropper as there were no one to guide or handle.
that is the second day after admission I went to her school and my intuition was so strong that what
ever I expected to happen happened the same, complains were poring by her Thacher's on my arrival ,almost all teacher's
started complaining in one voice,headmistress came in to picture and that was total mess.
some how situation came under control with mutual discussion and it was agreed that teachers and
parents will take spacial care to up grade moral of the child.
this the story of 5th standard.
I am so lucky that this is the first and last incident which bothered me till date as far as guni is
concerned.
there after she had a steady and moderate going but after 10th stranded she started working heard
and that stared reflecting on her results.
In 12th stranded she passed out with 95% marks.
Her priority was medicine , since I was job less collected lots information related college admission,where ever i went for medical sit every where they asked donations and the amount
was huge,finally we were started looking for a college with biotechnology stream.
finally guni got admitted with Mvj engineering collage with out donation as the college was not in the top of the list.
A girl from church park studying in mvj collage was matter of depreciation,I understood her
heart burning but had to keep mum as I was help less.
Initial semesters were some what OK as far as adjustments are concerned but at one point of
time she was tortured by a group of stupid girls,they even created a group and at one point
Guni was alone,no one used to talk her, I could imagine her sufferings.
In spite of all problems she used to score good marks,always with distinctions.
Guni's determination always very strong,she knew her father is jobless and the only way to
archive goal is hard work and excellence in academics.
many at this situation loose vision and fall in to pits, i Consider my self lucky that she could
stand tall in crisis.
God gave her enough strength to face situations, she used to go to college with bare minimum
pocket money, never spent anything which is unnecessary,no fun,no entertainment.
Guni passed out with distinctions.
Now job hunting,I was no use to her as I lost all contacts,no one keeps touch with losers,she was trying
on her own ,since their college was not top grade, unfortunately there were no campus selection.
she started running post to peeler for a job but in vain.
One morning she went to her college and in the afternoon she called me saying that she got a job as
lecturer.
don't know why- could not take it very gladly as I sow my daughter suffering so much that I expected
better reward,any way she started going from the next day,there were 2/3 lecturers of her age so
things were moving.
Guni has a tendency to add much more than her capacity with result others exceptions increases
day by day and once you under perform for some reason they misunderstand or think otherwise.
in initial days she started working like dog which is not possible for long starch,after few months
when she slowed down realizing the efforts are use less and others are enjoying fruits ,seniors
were bit unhappy.more over the HOD who appointed her had to leave college due some deference's
with the management.
the young group were cornered as they don't have higher degree yet they are close to students.
I could see forestation on guni's face and realized she is not enjoying her job,
In addition to that her salaries were spent to run the family and there were no savings for her to try
something else.
Earlier days I use to talk big saying I will never touch her money etc etc, but circumstances made
me accept that stupid value and ego's die down when things falls apart, shamelessly I used wait
when she will get her salary and we will spend for our day to day expenses.
A job less father siting at home and there is no scope of growth that filling was killing her day by day,
she is such a nice girl, she has never uttered a single word till date.
her burning ambition was pushing forward at the same time family condition ware pulling her back,
that was a peculiar situation,me and tapu used to discuss her condition helplessly.
she wrote GRE ,unfortunately score was not up to the mark,then sat ILTS exam where she performed
well.
At that point of time we were moving aimlessly,without money we were trying to build a palace.
Tapu went along with her to check the cost and possibility to study MS course at Aurelia.
An unemployed person has no source of income no property how can dream such things could not
explain to Guni knowing her burning desire.
So happened one of her friend using her experience left for Australia.
It was like nail to coffin.
I was watching Guni carefully and used to share light moments to bring down her mental presser.
After couple of months she went to Chennai along with Tapu to rewrite GRE as she felt from Chennai students
get better marks than any other state,she happen to meet one of her school mate and she informed
her that there are institutions arrange fund also guide for American university's more over she is
leaving shortly for USA with their assistance.
That co incident bought light to her mind,when they returned from Chennai they were
in deferment state of mind,even both of them declared that with out my assistance they will manage.
i was praying that should be the true and nothing is possible better than that.
Tapu made quite a few trips to madras along with guni and their moral was high.
Guni started applying to USA university's,after many sleepless night call came from IIT CHICAGO.
there were joy with fear,we were worried how to arrange fund.
I went with mother and daughter to meet the consultant,at one point they realized it was not that easy as expected
by these two, after lots of trouble one private finance company agreed to pay money .
besides that we borrowed from many people and I must say it was a miracle as by way of borrowing
we could raise the required fund.
I PAY MY GRATITUDE TO THOSE WHO ALL SUPPORTED US HAVING KNOWN OUR SITUATION.
on 12th jan 2009 early morning Guni took a flight of British airways from Bangalore to Chicago.
That morning I sow real happiness on her face,as if a bird is freed out of cage for open sky........