31/12/09 LAST DAY OF THE YEAR 2009

TO DAY IS THE LAST DAY OF THE YEAR.
I WAS NOT KEEPING WELL LAST NIGHT,STOMACH WAS UP SET,THIS MORNING GOT UP VERY LATE,
COULD NOT SPEAK TO GUNI AND CAME AT WORK VERY LATE,
ONE CONSOLATION IS HAVE SPOKEN TO HER LAST NIGHT.
TAPU ALSO CALLED.
2009 WAS GOOD,SAYING SO BECAUSE- GUNI WENT TO USA THIS YEAR,I ALSO HAD FULL TIME
JOB THROUGH OUT THE YEAR,OUT COME OR INCOME WHAT EVER IT MAY.
PRAY TO BABA TO BRING HAPPINESS TO MY FAMILY AND TO ALL GOOD SOLE.

30/12/09

THIS MORNING TAPU LEFT FOR BANGALORE.
ACCORDING TO HER PLAN SHE WILL BE THERE TILL 3RD JAN10 AS TO ATTEND NEW YEAR POOJA
AND END OF THE YEAR AT BABA'S TEMPLE.
SHE ALSO PLAN TO LEAVE FOR CALCUTTA ON 03RD NIGHT TO ATTEND HER MOTHER'S CATARACT
OPERATION WHICH SUPPOSE TO TAKE PLACE ON 09TH JAN10.
WHEN SHE WILL BE BACK I AM NOT SURE,NEITHER SHE, AS HER SISTERS VOICED THEIR INABILITY
TO SPARE FULL TIME AS THEY ARE FULLY OCCUPIED .
LIFE GOES ON,NOW A DAYS I AM AGAINST IMPOSING ANYTHING TO ANY BODY,SPICILY ON TAPU.
AS A HUSBAND I HAVE NOT DISCHARGED MY DUTY WELL,WHEN I LOOK BACK FIND KNOWINGLY OR
UNKNOWINGLY HAVE DONE LOT OF INJUSTICE TO HER.
I AM NOT SAYING THIS IS PAY TIME,THEN SOME PRICE I HAVE TO PAY SOONER OR LATER, THERE
IS NO SHORTCUT IN LIFE,LIFE DOES NOT SPARE ANYONE,WE HAVE TO PAY PRICE FOR OUR MIS CHIVES AND THAT IS THE TRUTH.
ONE OF THE FILM PERSONALITY DYED LAST NIGHT AT KARNATAKA (BANGALORE) HENCE HIS FOLLOWERS ARE SHOWING THEIR GRIEF, WHICH MEANS( IN INDIA )THEY WILL CREATE A SITUATION BY WHICH PUBLIC LIFE WILL BE DISTURBED,THIS IS OUR COUNTRY ,HERE WE LEAVE
TO SAY WE HAVE VERY OLD CIVILIZATION BEHIND US.
CALLED MR.SEKHAR RAJU TO CHECK WHETHER TAPU REACHED SAFELY, SHE DID.

29/12/09

NO WORK.
IF I KNEW THIS WOULD BE THE SITUATION WOULD HAVE STAYED IN CALCUTTA FEW MORE DAYS WITH MY MOTHER.
DURAI IS NOT A GENTLEMAN,HE IS A CRIMINAL MINDED FELLOW.
A MAN WITH THE BLESSING OF GOD BECAME A MONSTER,ROUND THE CLOCK HIS MIND IS WORKING
HOW TO CHEAT PEOPLE,HAVING SAID THAT I CAN'T ESTABLISH HE IS A BAD MAN AS SOCIETY
DOES NOT SAY SO,NEITHER HE WILL BE PUNISHED EVER.
IT IS HIS WAY OF LEAVING AND FUNCTIONING, IN NUTSHELL IN CASE I DON'T LIKE HIS
ACTIVITY SHOULD GET OUT.
FOR WHICH I AM NOT CAPABLE.

28/12/09

NOT WELL FOR PAST 3/4 DAYS.
AFTER COMING FROM CALCUTTA HEALTH IS NOT KEEPING WELL,COLD AND COUGH IS TROUBLING,
FRIDAY AFTER LUNCH DID NOT COME TO WORK,SAT,SUN DAY TOOK COMPLETE REST THIS MORNING
CAME TO WORK ASSUMING HEALTH IS OK BUT AS THE DAY PROGRESSING BODY IS NOT SAYING SO ,
ALWAYS RELACTENT TO GO TO DOCTOR,SPACIALY ALOPATHIC MEDICINE I DON'T LIKE,ALWAYS
PREFER TO HAVE HOMEOPATHIC BUT IN TIRUPUR I HAVE NOT COME ACROSS ANY DOCTOR, THOUGH
HAVE GOT AN ADDRESS,HAVE TO GO AND SEE.
2009 WILL SAY GOODBYE WITH IN 4 DAYS.
WE HAVE LOTS OF EXPECTATIONS ON 2010.
SOMETHING SHOULD HAPPEN FOR GOOD,MY FAMILY MEMBERS ARE BLEEDING AND CRYING ,TIME SHOULD HELP US ,THE PHASE WE ARE GOING THROUGH SHOULD BE OVER,GOD SHOULD HELP US TO COME UP FROM THIS HORRIBLE SITUATION.

trip to and from calcutta-07/12 -20/12/09

AFTER A GAP OF 3 WEEKS WRITING IN BLOG.
WENT TO CALCUTTA AFTER 2 YEARS WITH TAPU,SHE WENT TO SEE HER MOTHER WHO IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE A CATARACT OPERATION,WHICH FINALLY DID NOT TAKE PLACE DUE TO LACK OF KNOWLEDGE AND PROPER COMMUNICATIONS.OF COURSE I WENT MAINLY TO SEE MY MOTHER WHO IS NOT WELL DUE TO
HER OLD AGE AND PROPER ACTIVITIES.
THE PROBLEM IS SHE DOES NOT WALK AT ALL ,MOST OF THE TIME ON BED.
I FEAR A DAY WILL COME WHEN HER LEGS WILL GIVE UP.
MY PRESENT SITUATION CAN'T SUPPORT HER FINANCIALLY, I SHOULD HAVE ENGAGE A PHYSIOTHERAPIST BUT FAILED,PREYING GOD TO HELP TO DO MY DUTY AT THE EARLIEST.

I DON'T HAVE A SHELTER IN CALCUTTA,THIS IS ONE OF THE SAD PART IN MY LIFE.
AT ONE POINT WE WERE TOLD THAT TAPU'S MOTHER WILL GIVE HER HOUSE TO TAPU FOR HER
CONTRIBUTION TOWARDS HER FAMILY BUT THAT COMMITMENT SEAMS TO BE FADING AS THERE
ARE TOO MUCH POLITICS WITH IN SISTERS,EVERY ONE TRYING TO SHOW THEIR POWER,SISTERS
ARE FIGHTING LIKE CATS AND DOGS TO SHOW THEIR SUPREMACY.
AT THIS MOMENT WE ARE BELLOW BOTTOM LINE HENCE WE DON'T HAVE ANY SAY.

IN OUR HOUSE ALSO THINGS ARE NO BETTER,THE SMALL PCS OF LAND WHICH MY FATHER
EARNED THROUGH PARTITION AMONG THEIR BROTHERS THAT NOT YET TRANSFERRED IN MY MOTHER'S NAME,ONCE THAT IS DONE THE SAME CAN BE DISTRIBUTED WITH IN HER CHILDREN,
THOUGH IT WOULD BE TO SMALL BUT AFTER ALL A PLACE FOR LEAVING.
WIVES OF MY YOUNGER BROTHER'S RAISED THIS ISSUE DURING MY VISIT THIS TIME- I SAID
THEM ONCE THEY ARE READY I SHALL BE AT CALCUTTA TO DO MY BEST TO SORT OUT THE ISSUE.
BESIDES INDIVIDUAL ELECTRIC METER A WATER LINES ARE ALSO TO BE ARRANGED,IT IS HUGE TASK AND MONEY MATTER.
I BELIEVE THINGS ARE TO BE DONE ONE BY ONE.

MET SHIBU ,SOW MANY KNOWN FACES,SPOKEN WITH FEW OF THEM ,SOW ANU TOO AT A GLANCE.
SOME HOW I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO FIT MYSELF IN THAT ATMOSFARE.SHIBU IS ALSO LEAVING
IN HIS WORLD,FOR ME IT IS TOTALLY DEFERENT,
DON'T KNOW HOW TO ADJUST WITH CHANGES BUT IT IS TRUE THINGS CHANGES WITH TIME AND
SITUATIONS.

04/12/09

TAPU CALLED FROM SALEM AT 05 EVENING SAYING SHE IS SEEK .
IT SEEMS WHILE COMING BY BUS FROM BANGALORE TO SALEM SHE VOMITED MANY A TIMES,FROM
SALEM TO TIRUPUR EITHER SHE HAS TO COME BY BUS OR BY TRAIN,TO GET A TRAIN SHE HAS
TO WAIT MORE THAN TWO HOURS AS TRAIN IS AROUND 7.30.
STILL IT IS OK,
COMING BY BUS IS HORRIBLE.
DON'T KNOW WHEN SHE WILL REACH TIRUPUR.

02/12/09

HAD A TALK WITH GUNI THIS MORNING,SHE IS BUSY WITH HER STUDY'S,TRYING TOO HEAD.
I DON'T KNOW WHY LUCK IS NOT FAVORING HER!
ALL BELLOW AVERAGE GIRLS ARE DOING SO WELL AS FAR AS FINANCIAL MATTER IS CONCERNED.
DON'T KNOW WHY IT SO.
TIMES GETS FRUSTRATED BUT WHO WILL CARE OR SEE THAT.
TAPU IS IN BANGALORE,ARRANGING TO SEND MONEY TO GUNI,HAVE SPOKEN TO HER ON NUMER
OF OCCASIONS TODAY.
POOR LADY,RUNNING POST TO PEELER.
I COULD NOT DO ANY THING FOR HER,IF GOD DOES.

30/11/09

TO DAY IS VERY SAD.
TAPU LEFT THIS MORNING FOR BANGALORE TO SELL HER BALANCE ORNAMENTS AS GUNI
NEED MONEY FOR HER EXPENSES.
FEAR IS GRIPING AS WE LEFT NOTHING TO PROTECT OURSELVES,
EVERYTHING HAS GONE.
OTHER WOMEN WOULD NEVER HAVE PARTED WITH JEWELS AS THIS IS THEIR PRIDE.
SHE DOES NOT SAY ANYTHING BUT I UNDERSTOOD SHE IS CRYING FROM IN SIDE, I AM NOT IN
POSITION TO PROTECT HER,SUCH A ILL FATED PERSON I AM.
I AM A SPECTATOR.
SOME TIME I THINK IT IS TOO MUCH.
WE ARE PUSHING OURSELVES TO A EXTREME POINT,IT IS LIKE GAMBLING.
DON'T KNOW WHAT STORED FOR TWO OF US.

26/11/09

HAPPINESS DOES NOT LAST LONG FOR US NOW A DAYS,WHEN EVER THERE IS A RAY OF LIGHT
MIND FEAR'S DOUBTING IT'S LONGEVITY.
THIS MORNING SOW GUNI IS HAPPY,I AM HAPPY TOO,THAT IS WHAT IS REQUIRED AT THIS
POINT OF LIFE, OUR TOTAL HAPPINESS IS SURROUNDED BY HER SUCCESS AND ACHIEVEMENTS.
SHE IS TRYING HARD TO GET ASSOCIATED WITH PROFESSORS WHO CAN HELP HER TO GET IN
TO P. H D.COURSE.
HER HARD WORK SHOULD PAY.
TOLD GUNI ABOUT OUR PLAN TO GO TO CALCUTTA.
SHE ENCOURAGED.
I AM NOT VERY HAPPY TO GO AS WILL NOT BE ABLE TO GIVE ANY FINANCIAL ASSISTENCE
TO MY MOTHER,WHICH IS VERY ESSENTIAL I KNOW BUT NOT IN A POSITION TO DO SO,
HAVE TO GO AS SHE HAS GONE OLD AND I MUST SEE HER.
THIS IS MY DUTY.
BOOKED TICKET FOR ME AND TAPU FROM BANGALORE TO HOWRAH BY YASHWANTHPUR HOWRAH EXPRESS ON 06/12/09.
TICKETS ARE WAIT LISTED, HOPING TO GET CONFIRMED AT 11TH HOUR.

19/11/09

THIS MORNING HAD A TALK WITH GUNI.
I CAN UNDERSTAND SHE IS TRYING HER LABEL BEST TO REDUCE MY BURDEN AND IN THAT PROCESS
WHAT NOT SHE IS DOING WITHOUT MUCH RESULT,DESTINY IS SO IMPOTENT TO HUMAN'S LIFE.
POOR GIRL,TIME HAS TAKEN AWAY HER YOUTHFUL SMILE.
GOD IS SO POWERFUL,DON'T HAVE GUTS TO PROTEST AGAINST DECISIONS BUT BEING A FATHER
CAN'T ACCEPT.
GIRLS BELLOW PER ARE SO LUCKY,THEY ARE GETTING JOBS,
INSPITE OF HER ALL QUALITY AND ABILITY SHE IS SUFFERING..............

18/11/09

NOTHING IS COMING UP.
it's not that i am throwing my hands in air.
if god permits we have 3 options,1)my property should get sold.2)guni should get a
job.3)i should get a decent job.
if any one works every thing should fall in line.
NOTHING IS COMING UP.
SO MUCH TENSION,EVERY MORNING ALL 3 OF US HOPING SOME CHANGE WILL TAKE PLACE,OUR MISERY'S WILL BE OVER BUT NOTHING IS TAKING PLACE.
HOW LONG THIS SUFFERING WILL CONTINUE.

18/11/09

16/11/09

TO DAY GUNI CAME OUT OF SHELL,SHE HAS FINANCIAL PROBLEM AND THAT IS HER BIG CONCERN
NOW.
TAPU TOLD ME THIS WHEN I WENT FOR LUNCH.
WE HAVE DECIDED TO SELL OF SOME OF TAPU'S ORNAMENTS,SHE LEFT WITH VERY LITTLE AS DURING THE MONT OF JAN'09 SHE SOLD MOST OF THEM TO SEND GUNI ,WHAT EVER LEFT THAT TOO
WOULD BE ON SALE NOW.
DON'T HAVE CHOICE,I AM NOT CAPABLE TO ORGANIZE THAT KIND OF FUND.
I REMEMBER WHEN TAPU PLANED TO SELL HER JEWELRY TO SEND GUNI ABROAD HER SISTER OBJECTED SAYING -DO YOU WISH TO BE A BEGGAR!
DON'T KNOW ON WHAT DIRECTION WE ARE GOING,IT IS VERY DARK,FINDING IT VERY DIFFICULT
TO WALK.
DON'T HAVE SINGLE PENNY AS SAVING.WHAT EVER WE HAD ALL HAS GONE.

14/11/2009

GUNI IS IN TROUBLE,
SHE HAS PROBLEM WITH HER ROOM MET,ONE DIVYA.
I WAS TOLD SHE IS LOOKING FOR NEW ACCOMMODATION...
I CAN'T SAY GUNI HAS NO FAULT,HER PROBLEM IS SHE IS NOT LIKE MANY GIRLS,SHE HAS VALUS
AND ETHICS WHICH NOW A DAYS IS NOT VERY RELEVANT NOW A DAYS,ANOTHER ONE PROBLEM WITH HER IS SHE DOES NOT KNOW TO BOW DOWN,OBVIOUSLY MANY DOES NOT LIKE THAT,THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO THINKS THE OTHER PERSON SHOULD PUT OIL,GUNI CAN'T DO THAT.
WE WERE TAUGHT TO BE STRAIGHT FORWARD BUT IN TODAY'S WORLD THIS TERM HAS NO SEANCE. SHE IS MY DAUGHTER, SHE IS THE PERSON WHOM I LOVE THE MOST.
SHE SHOULD SUCCEED TO OVER COME ALL THESE HURDLES THAT IS THE ONLY PRAYER TO THE
ALMIGHTY.
SHE IS SUFFERING A LOT,GOD SHOULD GIVE HER PEACE.

13/11/2009

FIND LIFE IN TROUBLE,THOUGH DON'T HAVE STRENGTH TO HANDLE,BECAME VERY WEAK MENTALLY
AND PHYSICALLY,CAN'T COP ANY MORE.
MIND HAS NO WISH [AS CAN'T SEE ],BODY SLOWLY SAYING TIME IS GETTING OVER.

HAD TOO MUCH HOPE ON GUNI BUT SHE IS NOT GETTING MATURED,NOT AT ALL DEPENDABLE.
COMMITTING MISTAKE AFTER MISTAKES,IMMATURITY IS SHOWING UP IN ALL HER SOCIAL ACTIVITY'S.
VERY TAIARD , FINDING IT VERY DIFFICULT TO MOVE ON.
I AM NOT AT ALL HAPPY THE WAY GUNI AND TAPU MOVING. I AM DEPRESSED BECAUSE OF THESE
TWO ,THEY ARE NOT FIT FOR THIS WORLD,DON'T KNOW WHAT IS STORED FOR THIS FAMILY.

11/11/09

Life is not moving beyond a point,
daily same routine,siting morning to evening with displeasure,specially in the
late evening it is simply killing,frostation is so height that some time
fills to runaway but where to go that is the question.
seems all doors are closed,people are not liking me any more,no friend around,
situation is pathetic.
can't say anything to guni,she as it is in problem,running post to peeler fo her
survival as I can't support.
I lost my mobile pone and watch from my desk other day,Durai and his wife has not
taken any action to locket,they did not utter a single word .
strange but true.
these are the people I am associate with.
this is life and livelihood.

10/11/09

There are some days during morning itself you know that to day is not your day,
don't know why from morning mind is upset,my next door is creating some problem
which I am not in a position to counter,though they are wrong yet enjoying support
from a section of people,specially from house owner who seems to be blind with his
money power.
the company where I am serving is also not good, according to tapu it is very bad.
she is very upset and some extent it is justifiable also but what is the the alternative I left!
while joining I was told would give yearly bonus but did not utter a single word
on that,according to tapu even maidservants are getting financial assistance yearly
once either on Dashera or deepavali.
I have no answer for that,she have insisted me to ask but the problem is if he says
no,in that case I should leave this company on that moment,I guess can't do that as have no alternative.
Don't know whether not selling BEML property couple of months back was a wrong decision , price was very low more over Guni is insisting not to sell but this way
how long things can go!he understood my weakness,knows very well I am been trapped,
using what ever way possible.

RELIEVED

To day some what relieved,got few customers,hope by next week goods will be sold.
it was real pressure,this is my problem,always i take thinks on my head,whether
others are so relaxed.
possible because of unnecessary reason get tense and displeasure shows on my face
and behavior,others says why to die for nothing as we are salaried employee,in case
of profit would owner share with us!
i can't think that way, have never thought on that line,always kept in my mind
my job and responsibility.
But result!
Mr.Guruprasad hr of southern sales used to call me workaholic but this person
is looking for a decent job for last 10 odd years!
don't know why all these happened, only thing I know for sure this should not happen with me.
whom to blame I don't know.
Guni used to say she stood like a rock and performed well just because of my present condition.
cant comment as the price is really huge.

GUNI

02.11.2009
GUNI

TODAY GUNI'S BIRTH DAY.
Morning as usual had a talk with guni,
since the time deference is 13 and half hours in between India and Chicago called again at 10.40 and
wished her .
Tapu has gone to Bangalore to offer pooja at SAI BABA TEMPLE ,every year she perform spacial puja
on this day.
she is also sending cargo today to Guni [mostly winter cloths]

Guni is my only child,to day she is a lady of 24.
For every one his/her life is the most precious,even I also used to think on that light but now by heart
I wish GOD ALWAYS CAN TAKE MY LIFE IN CASE THAT BRINGS LONG LIFE AND PROSPERITY for GUNI.

She is very lucky for me from the day one, after her birth I got a decent job with ITC .
there after the journey was very smooth,I flourished more than my capacity,unfortunately could
not hold my fortune because lack of my knowledge and proper vision.
Her birth place Calcutta,and the hospital where she was born is Lohia matree sava sadan.
i could not be present during her birth as the company where I was engaged was seek at that point of time.
I went to Calcutta when she was 4 month's old to bring her to madras.
her Rice ceremony took place at mackies garden house,we could not call anyone as we were going
through financial problem.
with in one year of her birth i joined ITC and things were beautiful.
Guni's schooling started with SACRED HEART MATRICULATION SCHOOL [GIRLS] CHURCH PARK.
Tapu were trying for saint. auslus which is for lower middle class people but for some reason guni
could not get admission,I can remember tapu was very upset and started crying assuming that her
one year will be wasted as she has not applied to any other school ,fortunately one of the peon of church park school were saying in our locality and we were told by one of our welshers
that he can help us for admission ,he took a small bribe from us and arranged a sit .
Church park is rich peoples school also one of the famous school in madras.
All god's grace otherwise it was simply impossible.
We were in mackise garden and her school was in thousand light,5 minuets by rickshaw,she used to go
by rickshaw every day,tapu was at her service.
We moved to Kodambakkam. from there the distance was 20/30 minuits by any transport,
guni used to go mostly by auto.
Through out her academics Tapu stood as a pillar,she was like shadow
for Guni, that type of care and attention is very rare.
considering auto expenses and time factor we bought a maruti 800 with partial bank lone.
Guni's status got up graded and some what prestigious.
she was not a brilliant student,some what like me ,not too keen about studies but it was Tapu who
with her approach and guidance made her to perform .
I used to be on to tour most of the time except sun days, when ever i was at home wanted her to be with
me and insisted not to study but it was tapu who never encouraged such ideas.
As far as i remember I went to her school 3/4 times only in 13 years! on the other hand Tapu was daily
visitor whether sun or rain.
Guni has many thing's of mine,she is introverted and shie ,for our type of people it is difficult to
approach people for friendship or any relationship for that matter,we can't come out openly and easily,
that does not mean we are crooked,we are good and soft hearted people from bottom of our heart but always we
are misunderstood,by virtue we have more foes than friends.
Guni never have had many friends , her circle was restricted only in side school boundary,she was not
allowed to mingle or play with locals.

I was told by Tapu that guni is not performing well and possible she is not telling thought many a
times.
it took just a second to decide that i have to go to her school as I also have gone trough exactly with the
same phase and i was a cropper as there were no one to guide or handle.
that is the second day after admission I went to her school and my intuition was so strong that what
ever I expected to happen happened the same, complains were poring by her Thacher's on my arrival ,almost all teacher's
started complaining in one voice,headmistress came in to picture and that was total mess.
some how situation came under control with mutual discussion and it was agreed that teachers and
parents will take spacial care to up grade moral of the child.
this the story of 5th standard.
I am so lucky that this is the first and last incident which bothered me till date as far as guni is
concerned.
there after she had a steady and moderate going but after 10th stranded she started working heard
and that stared reflecting on her results.
In 12th stranded she passed out with 95% marks.
Her priority was medicine , since I was job less collected lots information related college admission,where ever i went for medical sit every where they asked donations and the amount
was huge,finally we were started looking for a college with biotechnology stream.
finally guni got admitted with Mvj engineering collage with out donation as the college was not in the top of the list.
A girl from church park studying in mvj collage was matter of depreciation,I understood her
heart burning but had to keep mum as I was help less.
Initial semesters were some what OK as far as adjustments are concerned but at one point of
time she was tortured by a group of stupid girls,they even created a group and at one point
Guni was alone,no one used to talk her, I could imagine her sufferings.
In spite of all problems she used to score good marks,always with distinctions.
Guni's determination always very strong,she knew her father is jobless and the only way to
archive goal is hard work and excellence in academics.
many at this situation loose vision and fall in to pits, i Consider my self lucky that she could
stand tall in crisis.
God gave her enough strength to face situations, she used to go to college with bare minimum
pocket money, never spent anything which is unnecessary,no fun,no entertainment.
Guni passed out with distinctions.
Now job hunting,I was no use to her as I lost all contacts,no one keeps touch with losers,she was trying
on her own ,since their college was not top grade, unfortunately there were no campus selection.
she started running post to peeler for a job but in vain.
One morning she went to her college and in the afternoon she called me saying that she got a job as
lecturer.
don't know why- could not take it very gladly as I sow my daughter suffering so much that I expected
better reward,any way she started going from the next day,there were 2/3 lecturers of her age so
things were moving.
Guni has a tendency to add much more than her capacity with result others exceptions increases
day by day and once you under perform for some reason they misunderstand or think otherwise.
in initial days she started working like dog which is not possible for long starch,after few months
when she slowed down realizing the efforts are use less and others are enjoying fruits ,seniors
were bit unhappy.more over the HOD who appointed her had to leave college due some deference's
with the management.
the young group were cornered as they don't have higher degree yet they are close to students.
I could see forestation on guni's face and realized she is not enjoying her job,
In addition to that her salaries were spent to run the family and there were no savings for her to try
something else.
Earlier days I use to talk big saying I will never touch her money etc etc, but circumstances made
me accept that stupid value and ego's die down when things falls apart, shamelessly I used wait
when she will get her salary and we will spend for our day to day expenses.
A job less father siting at home and there is no scope of growth that filling was killing her day by day,
she is such a nice girl, she has never uttered a single word till date.
her burning ambition was pushing forward at the same time family condition ware pulling her back,
that was a peculiar situation,me and tapu used to discuss her condition helplessly.
she wrote GRE ,unfortunately score was not up to the mark,then sat ILTS exam where she performed
well.
At that point of time we were moving aimlessly,without money we were trying to build a palace.
Tapu went along with her to check the cost and possibility to study MS course at Aurelia.
An unemployed person has no source of income no property how can dream such things could not
explain to Guni knowing her burning desire.
So happened one of her friend using her experience left for Australia.
It was like nail to coffin.
I was watching Guni carefully and used to share light moments to bring down her mental presser.
After couple of months she went to Chennai along with Tapu to rewrite GRE as she felt from Chennai students
get better marks than any other state,she happen to meet one of her school mate and she informed
her that there are institutions arrange fund also guide for American university's more over she is
leaving shortly for USA with their assistance.
That co incident bought light to her mind,when they returned from Chennai they were
in deferment state of mind,even both of them declared that with out my assistance they will manage.
i was praying that should be the true and nothing is possible better than that.
Tapu made quite a few trips to madras along with guni and their moral was high.
Guni started applying to USA university's,after many sleepless night call came from IIT CHICAGO.
there were joy with fear,we were worried how to arrange fund.
I went with mother and daughter to meet the consultant,at one point they realized it was not that easy as expected
by these two, after lots of trouble one private finance company agreed to pay money .
besides that we borrowed from many people and I must say it was a miracle as by way of borrowing
we could raise the required fund.
I PAY MY GRATITUDE TO THOSE WHO ALL SUPPORTED US HAVING KNOWN OUR SITUATION.
on 12th jan 2009 early morning Guni took a flight of British airways from Bangalore to Chicago.
That morning I sow real happiness on her face,as if a bird is freed out of cage for open sky........

JHUMUR ,ME AND HIS MARRIAGE

Jhumur my younger brother.
Tapu was too keen that I engage him somewhere as he was unemployed for a long time.
I was not very sure as without any experience getting a good job in textile field is impossible.
As I was with ITC, had cordial relation with many exporters all over India.
I approached one of knitwear exporters in Tirupur and explained about Jhumur.
Mr.sashidharan agreed to absorb him with a condition-that is I should stay away from him
as he has to go through a taught life as a trainee.
Agreed and jhumur came to Tirupur and joined pappilon exports.
that point of time i also used to come regularly to tirupur for inspections,so there were not much
problem for him,sashidharan always used to say to leave him alone to know the hardship and that
will ultimately lead to perfection.
He was with pappilon little more than a year and became restless for a change , for a better job.
After talking to Dinesh hinduja he was appointed as quality controller in Gokal das exports,Bangalore.
I used to go Bangalore often for inspections and during my stay he used stay with me in hotels.
other wise he arranged his accommodation with one of his childhood friend who fortunately was staying with his family.
At one point going Bangalore shortened as ITC was loosing customers .
One fine morning I came to know that he has left Gokal das and joined some other company.he served there my be about 6 months ,i cant remember now who gave me the news that he left Bangalore,on checking with Calcutta i was told he went to Nepal as he got a batter job.

there were no contact with Jhumur,he used to come to Calcutta but never contacted me,naturally
I was very upset and heart.
After 4/5 years came to know that jhumur is in Calcutta and planing to go abroad.dont know what transpired
one morning tapu told jhumur wants to come to Bangalore,at that point of time I was working at Bangalore
and I had a company accommodation 2 bed room house ,though I used to stay alone as tapu and guni were
in madras because of schooling.
Simply i was not interested,and said NO.
Tapu always a easy target,one morning when i reached madras found Jhumur already arrived.
he must have convinced tapu and made arrangements.
though I was very unhappy still I had to bring him at Bangalore.
I must agree Initially from my behavior he under stood that I am not in favor of his staying in my house
but slowly things got settled.
After 3/4 months he got a job with a buying house.
He was very in disciplined , many occasions he used to come late night that too after drinks,night food either
i eat next morning or thrown.
I lost my job as the company closed due to partnership problem and was a huge set back in my personal life.
though jhumur knew I was Jobless he never spent single paisa for his lodgings and fooding.
Guni's 12 class exam was over and they shifted to Bangalore,I had to change the existing
house as I needed 3 bed room accommodation.
the house was quite big and independent.
Guni got admitted in an engineering college.
Every one including me pressurized jhumur to get married,honestly my intention was he should get married
and stay separate,unless that happens he will not leave this place as hear he gets free lodging and fooding,nither
me nor tapu will be able to ask him to leave or pay for his staying.
My father dyed after few months of suffering,because of his illness lots of money drained out from my pocket.
that was real bad time.
jhumur's marriage got fixed,first jhumur sow the girl and subsequently me tapu along with some of my relatives.
at that point of time we made 3 trips back to back to Calcutta.
marriage took place at Barrackpur .
i came with my family before and jhumur followed with his wife after a week.
they stayed 3/4 months in my house and the pattern was same-free lodging and boarding.
Realizing that it is too much and we are not happy with this arrangement
They took a house near to jhumur's office which is very far from our place.
mostly we used to talk over phone,Mitali was a smart girl, wanted us to keep distance so that she can have
hold on her husband,we did not mind but felt awkward.
any way things ware moving except my job,they used to come in 2weeks once with complain that we are
not going,we went only once as guni preferred to stay at home Sundays.
On Laxmi puja day evening when they came, it was understood that there is soothing wrong,jhumur ware
drunk and by seeing Mitali's face we understood she cried.
Mitali started complaining that Jhumur drinks regularly ,i did not pay much attention as for me it is
not new but expected him to be disciplined on his own interest.
After a week one evening he came and what he reviled was shocking.
He said Mitali is having sexual relationship with one of his friend,according to him one afternoon during lunch
time on his way sow his close friend leaving his house and on reaching his room the over all
appearance he sow which easily proved that Mitali had a sex with his friend. the description jhumur gave
I don't wish to describe as it would be improper.
Tapu and me were utterly shocked.Tapu repeatedly asked whether he is 100%sure what he claimed but answer
was yes,yet Tapu repeatedly asked jhumur to think and talk as it is matter of pride of a girl and also matter of
survival.
There after day by day things went towards bad to worse,the trust factor was so low that during outstation trip
Jhumur placed Mitali with us,she also was upset and according to her all are created to get rid of her ,though
we did not tell her the eligation implied by her husband.
Mitali was very upset with Tapu and me,she even complained that we are encouraging jhumur and that because
of our hidden interest,also she said that she asked jhumur to set her free for which she is not interested.
the day jhumur came back from tour I told him if this is the case why he is not allowing her to set free!
They started fighting and abusing each other,situation went to an extent that my naibours started objecting.
Few days later Mitali's parents arrived at Bangalore,i was summoned,after serial of meetings no result could
found as jhumur did not uttered his complains categorically but it was understood to all that the slide has began.

Her parents left after a week leaving things as subject to rectification but with multiply problems things turned
impossible,as my memory goes mitali's mother kept some roots in side jhumur's pillow and when he realized that turned ugly.one morning Mitali's father called me over phone from Calcutta and threatened me,according to him
Tapu and me is responsible for all these nonsense,he also told unless I manage to settle this issue I would be in deep
trouble,
one day Jumur called and said me that immediately he wants to send he back to Calcutta otherwise things
would be dangerous,he bookd her next day evening flight and sent,Mitali wanted to go Birati but i disagreed
and left an instruction not to attend or encourage her hence she had to go to barracpur at her parents house.
when time is bad problem comes from every corner.
Jhumur left his house and started to stay with us as before,he used to come late night after drinks.
Tapu was very uncomfortable as Guni has grown up also Mitali and her family said we are behind their split.
I told Jhumur about the complication,he was very up set and said -because of you people got married and
now i am in problem.
as if we have written his fate,anyway after 2 weeks he hired a house and left.
ultimately he blamed us for everything,there after he stayed away.
I also felt that is the best way toaccept life,Iwas told he moved to tirupur and there after Bangladesh.
Till date we are not in touch................

WE ARE THE MOST SELFISH CREATURE IN THE EARTH.

WE ARE THE MOST SELFISH CREATURE IN THE EARTH.

We often talk about civilization,tolerance etc etc.
In reality these are all sweet words we so called intellectuals utter very often in public, which has no relevance in
our day to day life,we have closed our eyes ,we don't want to see what is right or wrong,some how have to achieve
desired goal.
Primarily our financial insecurity and social commitments are main cause of our corrector assassination,there
are other issues too but these two factors holds the key.
My own behavior some times surprises me! I was not like this even few years back.
To day I said something to Guni which bothering me now,why i am trying so heard to establish that we are
the only parents who care for their child so much! there could be many and their support to their child
might be more meaningful.
Tapu is not fit in today's world,too emotional,which has no value,at one stage people misunderstand as every
one has their own priority's and with time it is changing very first,no one to be blamed for these rapid changes.
As far as i am concerned must confess I could not lift myself above expectations,I am the same person as
before,situation made me shameless and cheap,at one point i used to maintain certain policy's which has fallen
flat and to save present situation compromising with things which i have not dreamed ever.
conscious pricking from with in but ..............
As far as Guni is concern,
As a father I should know the reality of life, otherwise on what strength relationships will stand tall!
realized , back of my mind I am banking on Guni's success, subconsciously guess have taken it as granted that
her success in my gain too.
I have started realizing I am no exception ,I am also one of those shame less creature.
I must do something to save at least this relationship so that some honer is left,
have to gain courage to lift myself in a situation where my daughter can pay respect to me .............

RUMA

Life some time losses it's essence ,most of the cases we can't rise above the situation and foll in to pits , always tries to forget such happenings but Time has its own way to rule.
Time does not spare any one, we are bound to pay prices for our sin sooner or letter.
some time we comes out of it , times we can't............................
............
RUMA
............
Ruma no 3 amongst their 4 sisters
their father died in an accident when they were too young ,the last one was 3 years old and the gap between sisters
15 months to 2 years.
Since Her father was a railway employee her mother could manage to get a job with in her capacity,these 4 girls
learned to manage themselves from their childhood.
Tapu was the elder one but she was too simple ,other three were just opposite,these three used to run the hole show.
I am also from the same locality,that time Birati was too small a place,population was very less compared to days
crowd hence we knew each other some extent.
I came to Madras for livelihood, during one of my trip to Calcutta liked Tapu, proposed , after two years married.
I had a rented house at Mackies garden near thousand lights, i made it a point to stay on my
own to have my own arrangements specially food.
After marriage Tapu stepped in the same house,it was a small, one bedroom hall with attach bathroom.
It was OK for a couple of our strength.
After one and half year of my marriage my daughter came,she was born in Calcutta under my mother in lows
care.
As the company where I was working became seek,those days had huge financial crisis hence shortage of man power.
could not be present during delivery time,went to Calcutta to bring them when Guni was 6 months old.
It was very difficult for Tapu to manage three of us as from her childhood she was some what easy going type,
she was away from domestic responsibility's.

That's when Ruma came in picture.
She is a very head working girl and through about domestic affairs,with in no time she became the manager
of my family,she used to handle everything and Tapu was like a happy free bird.
Her first two trip was short,there after Madras was her home,some times she used to go to Calcutta to see her
mother and sisters.


Every one was worried that no alliance was coming forward for Ruma.
Ruma became Tapu's responsibility,she kept trying for a suitable alliance and did everything possible . finally one of her friend Gouri
came to her rescue and introduced her cousin brother who was working in an engineering farm at Hyderabad
but actually from Calcutta[ kharda].
After few meeting marriage got fixed and they were married in Birati and hole marriage expenses was borned
by Tapu,it was a big amount she spent as the arrangement was lavish.
Once marriage got fixed she turned out to be my enemy,honestly I never in my distant
dream thought of having any relationship with her after marriage, basically I am a very choosy person, that is what I am.
i preferred to stay away from her as much as possible.
Don't know why she always had a tendency to defeat us,her mission is some how to pull
us down and go on top of us in all aspect,she copy every inch of our life style
and try's to archive whatever we have .
Some times i fill this is one kind of disease,
other wise the amount of support she got from tapu,no one would have imagined to harm us but that is the life all about.
after few months of her marriage Debabrato got transferred to Delhi,because of tapu's
insistence
I visited them once during my trip to ITC Delhi,so happened Shibu also accompanied me as
he was posted there.
Ruma had her son when they were in delhi,though delivery took place at calcutta.
Debabrato got transferred to calcutta,after coming calcutta they flourished and on the other hand my down fall started.
ITC closed export division unexpectedly , after 6 months from the closer
I could manage to get a job at Bangalore but Tapu had to stay back at Madras for Guni's education,to maintain
two establishments we went virtually out of gear ,lot of curtails and sacrifices we had to under go.
we used to meet in a month once, either i used to go or they used to come.
Ruma's son has some eye problem from birth,I was told by tapu that ruma came with her family to show her son
at sankar netralaya [eye hospital],at that point of time topu could not offer any financial assistance to her because of our unstable situation as ourselves were at stake.
Ruma was very upset with Tapu,she expected her to take care her son's medical expenses,possible they also were
weak financially but tapu was more concerned about our uncertain future and what ever saving she had preferred
to preserve for rainy days.
Even now also Ruma refers that incident when ever finds an opportunity.
There is no point of degrading or criticize any one but bottom of my heart I knew Ruma always had has a
garage on tapu,always she is jealous about her.
It is me who always stood for tapu having known that she is always right.
when ever we goes to calcutta always I am forced to go her house as decency demands but every time experienced
some how she projects her well being and financial strength.

At that point of time I Joined a company in Karur.
Tapu and Guni had to stay at Bangalore because of guni's collage ,i used to go
monthly once to give money which was not sufficient,Tapu had to take up tuition's to cover short falls.
during that crisis period
Ruma came with her husband as he developed some complication with his vocal cord.
Tapu had to take them to Vellore hospital and diagnosed as Cancer.
I must say Tapu is out of the world,her heart is so big that she can die for others.during our stay at madras
many people came and stayed in my house for their treatment in Madras,Always her door was open for needy's.

Tapu used to run virtually every day to Vellor hospital with Debabrata and Ruma for communication
with doctors as they were not fluent in English, even other wise,
this process was on more than a month.
Tapu is a great devotee of SIRIDI SAI BABA,in btm lay out there is a beautiful temple of baba, tapu offers
service there,she used to take them for prayer and all devotees were asked to prey for Debabrata.
PRAY worked. Debabrata got cured ,it is a miracle, blessings of baba.

People forget things very easily,they also forgotten this temple, these people who prayed for them,now a
days they goes to Siridi to offer prayers and for medical check up to mumbai.

We went last to Calcutta during Soma's marriage [she is the youngest sister of tapu],the marriage was organized
at Madhyamgram where Ruma and Ratna stays,for their own convenient.
I was not too keen to go, for the simple reason being i have to stay at Ruma's house, for duty sake
had to go and most of the time of two marriage days had to stay at Ruma's house though the actual function took place
in a marriage hall.
The way Ruma treated us is memorable,hole life myself and Guni will remember ,cant say about Tapu
as her paision and tolerance is exceptional.
In life'' never'' is a word not to be utter.
We had ask for a lone to Ruma during guni's trip to America.
Till date we could not return the amount.
Is this call destiny!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEY ARE MY RELATIVES

This afternoon during lunch time Tapu told she has to go to Calcutta as her mother will have cataract operation.
i can't understand the logic,i tried my best to serve for this family when ever situation demanded,never thought
about gain.
today we are in a situation where helping people is distant dream.
In past there were referent kind of helps and people used to count on them
In to days world hole scenario has changed,people only understand only one help ,that is
monetary and without that nothing exists.
From the day one they have used her an weapon, all cunning sisters always
planed for their welfare at her cost,I was not wise enough to handle financial matters,her sisters took that advantage
and used Tapu,she was a tool for them.
hole Birati knows about her contribution towards her family.

Have no regret for past, I some what understood the reality of life.but she didn't .
she is not realizing the heard truth of life,she has a tendency to ignore and carry forward attitude.
she wants to go without money not realizing neither any one will care for her nor will pay due respect.
The time we went to Soma's[that is the last we went to Calcutta]marriage,the amount of insult and disrespect
Ruma and her husband showered on us is unforgettable and the simple reason behind that behavior was they knew
that we are in to finical crises.
I don't know what to do! don't know how to stop her going to Calcutta alone.

KALI PUJA /DEEPAVALI

KALI PUJA / DEEPAVALI

In eastern part of India this festival is worshiped as Kali pooja, other part of India celebrate as Deepavali.
Festival of light, win over darkness.
In our family this festival is not celebrated with light, we don't light our house,from the childhood we ware
told that some one of the family died in this day and there after no one enjoyed this festival,surprisingly
neither me nor any one asked who was he or she who dyed on that day!
Assuming this is old story and stupid faith once lightened our house unfortunately next year same day my
elder uncle dyed!
We never tried there after.
This year Deepavali went very dull for me as well as for Tapu.
mentally very upset, expected Durai will pay Bonus as every body expect some sort of financial assistance
in this festival from the employer,my luck was blank.
Tapu was very upset but I am not,I understood this person very well,his intention to use and extract maximum
possible from me as I am in treble,he knows very well I don't have place to go.
All 3 days were at home,have spoken to guni,that is the only satisfaction.
Guni is also too worried as nothing happening to us,according to her bellow stander students are geting
job but she is not geting, with out anyones knowledge she is going for some chip work to maintain her
lively hood as we can't support financialy.
Without realising Tapu always advising her not to go for those kind of job's but I am keeping silent realising
just to throw advises is not enough,the family don't have capasity to protect their children how they can
advise!
let us accecpet life as it comes as there is no other choice.

Aamar Kahini

05/11/09

In spite of my all efforts nothing is working,times it appear things are about to fall
in place but in reality nothing is happening,things are moving out of hands just like
that,can't understand what to do,so much pressure ,some times tearing me apart.
we are holding a stock for last 2months, which is not moving,many are seems to be interested but in reality net result is Zero.
I don't know why god punishing me so much,when i will be free from my sin.
Am i the only person around who committed mistakes or sin !
very up set,I can't meet him other wise i would have asked.

I SHOULD DO SOMTHING FOR.......................

MAA..............
Some deference took place in past with Tapu,I personally believe such things happens in a family where under one
roof so many are there,my uncle,aunts and their children plus my brothers and sister in lows .
My mother always very soft,she never used to fight with any one but by nature she is so calm that some times
to avoid conflict she will try to hide the truth or she will not handle things strongly.
by nature she always prefers to die down on its own but in reality that policy does not work always.
One of my aunt is just opposite. I don't want to indulge or measure their behavior,what i know she was the key to
spoil our relationship,she uttered those words which offended me as well as tapu.my mother's fault was she did not
object to her comments.
let it be what ever it may,to day personally don't have any grievances on the contrary i believe we all are human being
and in today's world deference's are bound to be their.
Now a days when i speak to my Mother I realizes she has gone too old,as elder son I should go and see her and in case
some medication is required I should arrange for that.
My situation is such that i am counting even single penny,any way , prey to almighty to hive me strength to overcome
such situation so that i can perform my duty's.


CHANDAN.................
During my bad period his mother gave me shelter and I have not forgotten that favor.
unfortunately I am been cornered to day by circumstances, cant do things which I fill as duty.
During my stay at barrackpur Chandan was brother cum friend,we spent lot of good time together.
though later stage because of jealousy he stoned me but i guess that happens,we are human beings,we don't have
lion hearts.
He is not doing well,because of insecurity he stayed away from marriage.
I must do something for him in near future.

life...

Can't remember when I was happy and wholeheartedly enjoyed my success.
forgotten to dream years now, not finding any meaning of life,frostation is so much in life that day and night
leaving with anxiety and worries.
there is no future, don't know what will happen tomorrow,how we will pull our life.
We are suffering here and Guni in America.
Guni is working places where Indian girls never thinks to work,that too in night shifts, whose father is not capable what she
would do! life does not wait or understand fillings,it has to go on and on.
In working places also failure after failure,giving 100% but result is zero,obviously it is not 100% other wise it
would have been succeeded, at least logic that says but I don't find a way or scope for improvisation.
What should I do,where should I go ?
From to morrow Dipavali starts,there are lots of financial commitments ,can't see Durai face to face,my conscious
is killing me,I hold myself responsible for goods are not being sold,no proper buyer,for last 45 days no sell.
Durai suppose to pay bonus and depending a lot on sales but I don't find any costumer who will come for buying
before Dipavali.
loosing interest in leaving,this kind of leaving does not make any seance but scared of suffering for unnatural death.
my father used to sing a song -when time is over come with egress and kindness.

SHIB SANKAR SAHA (SIBU)

SIBU.........

We know each other from child hood,he was elder than me by 3 years.we are from the same locality.
he was little bulky from child hood itself,his form reflected in his attitudes too.though he was not a wrestler but
his activity's and approach was of wrestler like.
he became close to me all in a sudden, of course because of his interest , he used to come every afternoon in my room,from that room's windows Kajol's(a girl from next house)house was with in 10ft ,all girls used to gather
there for chit chat in the after noon.
Sibu had an affair with kaJol.
Nither I was interested nor he said me in detail anything about their relationship.
He got selected for Indian air force job and for training left for madras.
once in a year he used to come for a month or so but interaction was not that cordial.
After 4/5 years i got a job and after working 1 year in calcutta i was transferred to madras.
shibu was posted in madras and that is when we were close to each other broadly.
those days we were bachelors,he used to stay in IAFcamp and i took a single bedroom flat,we used to meet almost every
week end,either he used to come or i used to go.
after party/ drinks we used to lay down on the IAF runway ,those days are unforgettable.
we used to discuss all about gone by days,those days I came to knew more about his relationship with Kajol,
how deep rooted was his love life,their rise and foll.
how he was ditched by her etc etc.
Don't know why ,I find most of the girls in our time were very thoughtful ,they used to fall in to a relation with a guy almost of same age having known that this is just time pass +,in Bengal LOVE is like an integral part of youth.
hardly one can say (e respective of gender)they did not have premarital relationship.

Sibu's colleagues became friendlily with me .
Shib is very fond of touring and going places though I don't have interest but went with him to few a places.
like Nagarjun sagar dam,Salargaung museum,Birla temple.
i used to go very often to Hyderabad, shibu and his friends came and stayed with me to see places,those day's i used to stay at tajmahal hotel at abids circle,Hyderabad.
after one year Shibu got married and could managed to get a quoter, after six months the lady came in madras.
I used go often to his house.
Once i suffered from jaundice, knowing that shbu came and took me to his place,I stayed there for almost a week,
during my stay they killed a dear and meet was shared to friends and family's,unfortunately I could not join
the fest.
shibu used to come with his wife some time but in comparison I was regular visitor in his house even
After my marriage me and tapu went to his place in many occasions.
he had a son while we were in madras,his wife came for delivery at calcutta and
went back.
Shibu got transferred to Delhi .
When ever I went to delhi for official work I used to stey in his house though ITC had a guest house facility.
After i left ITC there were no contact,some time we used to meet in Calcutta during our yearly holidays.
Now he is retired,when I went last met him ,he is leaving his life in his own way which a person like me will never wish to lead,he is enjoying his retired life at this moment.

MONJU DAS.

Manju Das.

Manju's elder sister used to stay in birati.
her elder brother was a CPM party leader and stationed at nager bazer 10 kms from birati,
manju along her mother and younger sister used to stay at Hali sahar ,very far of place from Birati,her house
from railway station 40 kms,sombal pur.
Her sisters house was very close to the sweet cum tea stall [ramesh's sweet stall]where we used to sit,one portion
of the building on the second floor facing main road/sweet stall.
I sow he first when she came to buy sweet on her way to her sister's house,I liked her at the first glance without
knowing she will appear some where very near to my address and would be able to see her when ever she is
in birati.
During her that visit we sow each other and after 15 days she left almost for a month,I thought it's over
but again she re surfaced and the relation took it's shape,we started talking.
we could see each other may be in a month once but we used to write letters regularly and that system worked out
well her family members knew about our friendship.
IT was a co incident that at that point of time political change over took place in west bengal and it turned out to be an ugly power straggle ,we were known as CPM supporters,congress came in power,they started beating and killing all CPM active supporters, police was just a spectator,most of CPM supporter had to leave
their respective place,I too left birati and taken shelter at barrackpur in my aunt's house,she had 8 children,my accommodation was not a great problem also I had a liking for that place,i had many friend's there.
I was getting ready for graduation, my father used to come to see me in a month once,mostly to give pocket mony and of course to check my well being too.

I used to study in Motijeel college in dum dum,1st two exams went well,one boy named Noila sow me in the college
and informed my presence in the college to birati congress supporters,i knew his activities before itself,I understood
the moment he sow me I knew that is the end of my exam .
I did not go to moti jheel college there after.
there were a huge vacuum in my life at that point of time and at that time Manju's presence was swarthy, she used to come in my unit's
house and became very Friendly with my cousin's,i also used to go to her house and her relatives knew me well,Barrackpur was closer to halisahar than Birati,her house was in a village like place,from main road
one has to walk through mud road with both side paddy field,while walking one can smell row paddy smell,
For bath there were a big pond where most of the people from that area used to come for bath,i too went twice.
During the visits I met one of her relative who was manjus younger brothers brother in low,who was staying
in raniganz a coalfield belt,manju asked him to arrange a job for me,I was told this man arranged job for her
brother too.
Almost every forth night we used to meet either in barrackpur or in hali sahar,I even stayed in her house many a times,
her mother and sister liked me too,one of her sister in low was very closed to me,she told once Manju had a close
relation with a boy but the crack came because he was effected by T.B. initially it was shocking to me but I took
it lightly and ignored,possible at that point of time I was looking for a friend as i was home less.
After almost a year with some poetical influence i came back to Birati.
it was not smooth,1st time Viswanath - Soti's brother created problem and after lot of humiliation had to go back, on 2Nd attempt could managed to stay,many known faces were killed or bitten very badly, there were many still out of place.
got adjusted with the situation slowly.
I found a change ,our group have moved to a new tea stall,close to railway station.
After coming to Birati i stopped going to Hilisahar instead Manju used to come regularly.
things were going smoothly but all in a sudden she stopped coming.
I could not understand the reason , even to day it is a Misery to me ,of course i could have asked and got information
from her sister's house or could have gone to halisahar to know the matter but due to Eggo problem or sentiment
reason I did not do that.
After 6 months one day after noon rupak came to my house saying Manju and sister of her sisterinlow is calling
me at her sister's house, on reaching with out giving any reference they were talking some erelavent things,some patch up,
marriage etc etc,to me everything was out of context,I am not that guy to get charged up with silly proposals.
I left their house saying- I CAN'T.exactly this is the word i used that day before leaving.


After that day we met only once when Manju came to show her daughter on the mid road it self,till date i could
not understand what was the motive behind that act.

MY FRIENDS....

RUPAK KARMAKAR.

Rupak was a guy who's life style was peculiar.
My father was very upset with him, by seeing his face he used to get irritated,not only my father there were many .
His heir style and dress culture was artificial.
his family business was jewelery,he was around Abu too as most of Abu's purchases Rupak used to take care,for that
matter we friends also used to take his help for purchase as he knew from where what to pick.
He was school dropout but he used to act as if he is too learned and rich,he had a 3rd class railway season ticket from
Birati to sialdha[calcutta] and almost every evening he used to go to calcutta and that too in 1st class compartment
and used to return by last train[12 night].
No one knew his activities ,only morning and sun day's he kept of us.
Move was is passion,he sow a move for 14 times! and there were many close to that.
There were nothing common in between us but some how we were friends.
hardly guys used to come to our house as our family culture was deferment then others,my father did not have
money but he had a solid reputation as learned person and as a good family head more over my grand father
was a reputed person in west Bengal,he was a known teacher and many elderly persons in our locality was his
student.
I had an access to go to every ones house ,people used to say i am deferment from others,also some used to say
a bright boy getting spoiled with bad association.
I used to go to rupak's house frequently, even his younger brother Swapan and sister Ampi had a friendly
relation with me.
Rupak never had a real girl friend,though tried many,his act was like joker so girls was not interested in him,so happened one girl was after
me for long time ,her name Ashima,one day i told her about rupak and gave very rosy story, convinced her
to be girl friend of his,with lot of hesitation the poor girl accepted but some reason in budding stage itself the relation
got spoiled.
Rupak was like my spoon in my love affairs!he used to pretend that way ,I also did not object ever,he was happy
with this responsibility but some of the girls used to object his high handling for which i did not pay much attention possible knowing these relations are not permanent.
I must conface that from the very beginning i knew that these relations [ether boys or girls]are passing clouds,they
will not be forever.
after having relation with Anuva the relation with Rupak got stained,we were not in talking tarm there after.
when I went last to calcutta I was told he dyed.

MY FRIENDS.............

ABU.
In this list 1st name comes ASISH GHOSE ROY commonly known as ABU.
He was from a rich family, almost every body knew his grand father and uncle,his father was known
for bad reason,his name was Prithish Ghosh.
he had two child ,one boy and a girl,girls name was Babli,she was younger.

They had huge property all over Birati ,even in Calcutta,they were the richest family in Birati at
that point of time,there were a beautiful fountain statue in front of there house which was relay beautiful
and that was symbolic display of their name and fame.
Abu used to fund for me almost every outing,for all get together he was the source of fund.
He was not good in study's,maybe he was not interested.
One morning we came to now his uncle is no more,he dyed with brain fever,he was suffering from fever
for last 5 days,it was a shock for all,in Birati there were on hospital,no qualified doctor.
his last rite took place in Calcutta were one of his uncle got settled and was an advocate by profession .
After a year or so his grand father also followed.
As there were no head of the family and Abu's father had all wrong habits there were no income or investment
instead- huge expenditure.
His father's activities was their disadvantage,for their lavish livelihood they stared selling lands one after the other.

my First conflict started with Abu when he followed his father's footsteps,a girl was working
in their house from her child hood,now she has blossomed,it was an easy option,he garbed that opportunity.
That period we all are working,only some time during night or sun days we all used to meet,we were told by Abu
due to work pressure he is working even on Sundays but the truth was something else. he hired a house 20 km away
from Birati ,the place is known as madhyamgram.there he kept the girl and impression given to the locality that they are husband and wife.
I started keeping distance with him.
One day his mother called and informed she wants her son to get married and I should accompany him to select
the bride,few brokers were engaged for that job.
We friends one Sunday called Abu and asked for an clarification,he cried ,pleaded and did everything to convince us
that she will leave that girl and shall follow his mother's wish.
We started looking girls almost every Sunday,finally we liked a girl and marriage got fixed.
One day I got a call in my office and i was told to rush immediately as there is some problem related to Abu's marriage,I rushed,the complication was- girls family was informed by some people that the boy is married already.
I was given the responsibility to sort out the problem.
It is a huge task, at that age really did not know what is write and what is wrong,only thing I knew i have to solve
the problem and that too in Abu's favor.
Still i remember most of my friends suggested me not to Interfere as the situation is very grave,possible i could be
in the police station or public will tear me off.
I made my mind,evening 7 o'clock i left alone to madhyamgram to sort out the situation.
On reaching to that address found the situation is not better than what my friends predicted,A huge crowed in
front the house,on flash I made my mind and got ready for counter,I entered the house giving an impression
that i am Abu's brother and established the girl is loose carector and set a trap to sqige a boy from well to do family
and they are not married but bluffed the hole locality .
Fortunately things worked,I could manage to convince a large portion of people that what i claimed is true.
With some assurance from leader like people came back to Birati with win win situation.
Explained every thing to Abu's mother and of course to my friends,always i was known as Intelligent but to day
I am the hero.
next two days I did not go to work as I had bigger things to do,going to girl's house to convince saying every thing fabricated and no truth in it,an employee is trying to take undue advantage.
as marriage invitation cards were distributed and because of family prestige issue they agreed to marriage.
TO DAY WHEN I LOOK BACK -I FIND MYSELF GUILTY OF SPOILING TWO GIRLS LIFE BECAUSE OF MY IMMATURITY
AND STUPID SO CALLED FRIENDSHIP,I PREY TO GOD FOR MARSES FOR MY CRIME WHICH I COMMITTED BECAUSE
OF MY IGNORANCE AND IMMATURITY.
I got a transfer to madras short while after his marriage but when ever I went to calcutta found he did not change and
in later stage found he was very close to his father's footsteps.
After coming madras my theory of life completely changed,I made it happened,used to go to calcutta yearly once that
to not more than 10 days but realized our friendship no more exists,we were pool apart.
At one point of time i was told he and his father sold all their properties except their Beautiful house.
After his father's death that house also sold,last when I met he was shifted to a distant place but used to come Birati
to pass time .
When I went last ,came to know he is no more ,died in heart attack.
May his sole leave in peace.

SOTI BOSE

SOTI BOSE

when I am writing this phase of my life have to accept that I did injustice to Soti in great extent without
realizing her suffering because of my playboy attitude.

Possible I was attracted by her little more than previous girls.
I even changed my rout to our gathering place[ramesh's tea stall]just to have a glance /attention.
while girls used to go to school , siting in the tea stall our group used to screen them for selection.
some were successful some were not,for some strange reason I have never faced rejections.
My heart was racing for a nice looking girl,she was SOTI.
slowly and gradually my signal reached to Soti and her acceptance was on her face.
she had 4 powerful brothers and they were famous for their mussel.
slowly we were moving to each other but problem was her brothers,she was never free and had always
a fear.
her friends used to inter act between us .
thinks were not smooth,since we liked each other in spite of difficulty life was great.
on her way to school looking and laughing each other or passing some comments was enough to satisfied
ourselves,days were passing by.
I observed one Girikesh was trying to become close to me,he started coming regularly and became some what
close to me,we started discussing everything.
he got the news of my relationship with Soti.
he used to say how he is close to her family and younger brother,I used to think he is my welwisher and on that
that faith I never tryed to hide my inner filling.
One day on return from my college Soti's younger brother cordoned me with his group and threatened me saying
if I don't change my activity consequence will be very bad as he will inform all his brothers.
They stopped Soti's schooling ,it was impossible to meet her,her friends were not allowed to meet her,when ever
she used to come out she had people around to gaurd her.
I knew this is a handi work of girikesh,I was very furius,in never die setuation I told girikesh that we still maintain
relationship and we are in touch.
That massage added fire to fuale,she was bitten and torchered like strey dog every day to know the truth and
to under stand the depth of our relationship.
one day i was called by her brothers,all my friends wanted to join with me but I decided to go alone to minimize
tension.
I was alone ,they were four,they started talking gently but when I confirmed saying I love Soti, things changed,
all of them attacked me like dogs,I was bitten very badly to bleed in and out,they left me with a warning if i
trys to meet Soti they will kill both of us.
I came with wound and was bed ridden for 3 days but did not say anyone what actuly happened.
I did not meet Soti there after keeping in mind her well being.
After 2 month she was married to a defence personal.

Dipti palit

DIPTI PALIT.

When I think to day I laugh .
I used to go barrackpur very often at my aunt's place,reason being her children were of my age,deference between
them were one to one and half years.they are eight in numbers.Chandan ,Khuku and Mala was very close to me,even
their friends.
One late evening after playing me and chandan came house to get fresh,khuku and her friends were getting ready
for final touch to go to attend a marriage,since there were only 3 rooms were occupied by them.
I was roaming here and there with a cup of tea.
All in sudden they realized one of their friend's shoes are missing.
The fellow hidden shoes was my aunt's youngest son Dodul but he was no where seen at that point of time and
ultimately blame fallen on me,in spite of my several pleading no one was in a mood to believe that i have not hidden
pair of shoes and things was about to turn ugly.
Dodul was enjoying this seance and when he realized things are going out of hands he placed shoes in front of them.
the girl who about to loose her name was dipti Palit.
Things settled there for then but a new beginning started.
She was good looking and smart also from a well to do family.
We became close to each other but the problem were the distance,I am staying in Birati and she is in Barracpur.
Those days phones were not aces sable like these days,mobile no one knew about.
sending letters was impossible fearing that may fall in wrong hands.
initially I used to run on and often but considering financial crunch slowly that enthusiasm slowed down and
possible I was no that hard die fellow.
on those days i used to see many of my friends were mad for some one but i was never that type,another
one reason I guess is those days body relation was like dream.possible that is also one reason the attraction
was not at that magnitude.
in later stage we were just friends as we both realized the truth of life.

Gouri

GOURI
She was my first girl friend.
may be little elder than me or my be because of her build .
This relationship started when I was in school,it just happened.
Most of my friends had their girl friends,I should not lack behind that kind of childish mentality also worked behind this relation.
They came to our place as tenant,opposite to our house,she was more keen to develop a relationship than me.
She was honest to her approach but I was not.
some how a relation structured but from bottom of my heart I knew there were nothing great or to dream about.
the proportion of a relationship if i talk then it was 80/20.
there were occasions she used to be desperate but never used get proper response from me.
one important incident i still remember-
during durga puja festival we met and went to see durga idols with full group of boys and girls.
so happened -her mother came to know that and became a big issue,she was adamant not to go to
her house as she might be bitten or harassed,some how we convinced and senther,there after she was not
visible,i came to know they have changed house,tryed to locket her but in vain.
so happened my school final result was out and I passed. one day I sow her going with her younger brother, I went
running to give her the good news but she was unmoved,as I was in a vary happy state of mind tryed my best
to convince and peruse,things did not work,she cried and left off.
hunting started to know her address and eventually found her new house but she was not the same, even did not bother to see me,at least that is what she pretended.
after 2 months came to know she got married to a professor and moved to north Bengal .
I must confess this incident did not bother me at all as I knew my stand.

Aamar Kahini

Though I had many minus point like-I was not very good looking,not from a wealthy family ,not a brilliant student,
not that polished and well mannered ,still there were something for which girls used to get attracted.
I was known as lover boy,many were jealous and because of this so called quality I had many foes.
I can't claim saying we were Urban boys,on the contrary we were from rural Bengal,from proper city[Calcutta]
30 km away.
The word/act of love was different from these days,we used to exchange our love through letters, occasional
face to face talk that too away from known locality or on the way to school or collage.
we used to go to movies in group,few girls and equal no of boys,that day used to be special, boys used to bare all
expenses.
since our economy was very weak and there wear fear factor for girls that no one should know, this kind of gathering
used to be once in blue moon and we used to memorize this kind event for long time at list till next occasion.
many a time so happened next time did not come,either some one sow and complained to girl's house or for some
reason or the other relations used to break.
some were brave ,they used to look for new partner from next day ,some used to carry for some time with broken
heart but that used be for a short time only.we friends were so active that anyone without pair used to be intolerable.
It was like a status symbol for us.
To day when I look back it looks crazy and funny.
I was brave amongst all.I used to write love letters for all of my group! sounds funny but true.
I was the muster of this subject.
While i was in class 10 I had my 1st crash.her name was Gouri,there after Dipti palit,Sikhapal,Anju ghosh,Roma,
Soti Bose,Manju das,Anuva banerjee.
it is a long list but other than Manju and Anuva rest were like water shades.

Hole day siting almost idle ,these days no sell,people comes just like that with absurd prices which
is not workable in anyway.
I was told this is the pattern of this business,since winter is approaching our product will have beating as
they are meant for summer,though I don't agree .
If i have to run this business then a solid strategy to be worked out,new connections are to be developed.
Money to be spent for promotion,contacts to be build but durai is the person who neither has ethics nor vision.
I don't have money ,otherwise i would have started .
lets see what is stored for me!

Publish Post

LAKSHMI POOJA

To day is lAKSHMI POOJA.
For Hindu's she is an important goddess , she is the goddess of wealth.
In today's world she is the most powerful.
Indian culture somewhat peculiar,specially Hindus,Hindus festivals celebrated region wise ,example-to days
Lakshmi pooja is limited with only east and some part of north east,rest of Indians region wise will celebrate this
pooja some other day .
One think is common -that is The faith and purpose .
Tapu came yesterday night from Bangalore,sold our maruti 800.
Felt very sad, though did not revail it any body,there is no point to show my own inability and weakness to others.
had a talk with guni just for a while,seems to be happy.
The day she is happy,I am happy too.

MR.GANDHI'S BIRTHDAY

To day Mr.M.C.Gandhi's 140th birth anniversary.
to day is national holy day,High fashions in working,I too joined as being a senior person felt to be present,another
reason Tapu is not at home.
Had a talk this morning and was told she is leaving Bangalore by 11 morning,which means she will be in
Tirupur some time in the late evening.
Had a talk with Guni this morning,seems to be OK but with time and situations she is gaining Maturity and
that reflecting on her talks and approach.
Unless there are any serious issues she will not reveal manageable obstetrical s any more and that is my observations.
This is also true siting here we cant solve any problems of hers but with age I have learned -SHARING AND EXCHANGING views helps us a lot,we can always cross check our decisions , acts and in that process there
is scope of improvisation, corrections also some times solutions comes out of blue.

SHIP WITH OUT RADDER.

My present situation can be compared with a ship without radder.
there is no goal ,no destination,no vision .
just floating,I had a talk with Guni this morning,asked her whether the pcs of land we have can be sold. she did not agree,according to Tapu after paying guni's lone balance can kept in a bank as fix deposit
and from that interest we will maintain our livelihood.
Is that kind life is required! retirement?
Virtually to surrender to inability, a compromise formula just for leaving.
the point is the way we are living is it call living! day in and out with anxiety, tensions and more so it is been
unbearable as this process is on for past 10 years!
Tapu is restless there is enough reason to be, as far as I am concerned ,I am a confused man,when ever I find
light start dreaming but in reality that is only lightning which is a part of bad weather but the truth is
after storms always there is sunshine , the Question is when and how long to wait ,whether we can
withstand by this pressure.

TIME TO EXCHANGE GOOD WISHES

From today to next one week time to send Best wishes to all known once.
From this morning sent SMS to many, some yet to be sent.
sent a mail to guni yesterday evening itself,called over mobile to reach Maa but
could not speak as mobile is with Dollar,shall call tonight.

TYING TO KEEP MYSELF HAPPY BUT IT IS NOT SUPPOSE TO BE IN SPITE OF MY BEST EFFORTS.
LAST 45 DAYS THERE IS NO SELL.WHEN I SEE DURAI'S FACE I FILL GUILTY ,DON'T KNOW WHAT
TO DO ,HOW TO PROCEED.
Had a talk with Tapu this morning who is in Bangalore now,she wants to stay there till Thursday and
leaving on Friday.
Guni supposed to come on skype but didn't,I had to call her and came to know she was working somewhere,
she said she will call later but did not receive any call.
In nutshell things are not working with me at all,don't know what to do.
only thing I can do is to pray.

THIS COUNTRY HEADING TOWARDS HELL

THIS COUNTRY HEADING TOWARDS HELL .
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An effigy of demon king Ravana at Azad Maidan ahead on Dussera festival in Mumbai. PTI Photo

• Photograph (1)

• Dalits celebrate 'Ravana Mela' to oppose 'Dussehra'

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STAFF WRITER 15:21 HRS IST

Kanpur, Sept 28 (PTI) Thousands of dalits today took out a procession and held 'Ravana Mela' here to protest against the burning of Ravana's effigies on 'Dussehra'.

Ravana, a mythological character described as demon king in the Hindu epic 'Ramayana', is revered by the dalits who worship him as the symbol of bravery and sacrifice.

The event has been organised at Pukhraya by the 'Dalit Panther', an NGO opposed to the burning of Ravana's effigy on 'Dussehra' celebrated by the Hindus as the victory of good over evil.

"Making deformed effigies of Ravana and setting them on fire on 'Dussehra' every year hurts the feelings of dalits and the practice should be banned in the country," President of Dalit Panther Dhaniram Bauddh said.

The dalits in the area have been organising 'Ravana Mela' for the past ten years.

BIJOYA DASAMI

TO DAY BIJOYA DASHAMI.
MAA DURGA LEAVING THIS PLANET FOR A YEAR,AGAIN NEXT YEAR BY THIS TIME SHE WILL BE BACK WITH HER CHILDREN.
THIS CYCLE CONTINUES, FROM NOW ON PEOPLE GETS READY FOR NEXT YEAR TO RECEIVE HER.
ALONG WITH MANY A THINGS SHE LEAVES A MASSAGE OF KINDNESS AND TOLERANCE.
AS PER SYSTEM ON THIS DAY WE IMMERSE MAA DURGA'S IDOL AND AFTER THAT AS PER HER WISH- WE FORGET ALL DEFERENCE'S AND WE MEET EACH OTHER, EXCHANGE SWEETS WITH A PROMISE WE SHALL BE UNITED.

NOW A DAYS WE BECAME TOO MODERN ,FOR EVERY THING WE LOOK WITH A MICROSCOPE TO JUDGE
RIGHT OR WRONG,POSSIBLE OR IMPOSSIBLE ETC. BUT THE TRUTH

REMAINS THE MASSAGE WE GET
FROM OUR GOD AND GODES OR DURING POOJA WHAT EVER WE COMMIT IF WE CAN FULFILL, ROAD OF
LIFE WOULD BE SMOOTH AND SIMPLE.
ON THIS DAY BOWING MY HEAD I PRAY HER TO SAVE MY FAMILY FROM ALL ADVERSITY AND UNHOLINESS.
MAA,SHOWER YOUR BLESSINGS TO ME AND MY FAMILY.

MAHA ASTAMI

To day MAHA ASTAMI. 26.09.09
8th day of durga pooja.
This day is special,to day is main pooja,most impotent day for Bengali's.
this morning have spoken to my mother in Calcutta over phone.
She has gone old, it is my duty to stand for her at this age but my financial is so pathetic i am
not in a position to go to see her even,doing something is distant thinks.
MAA,please help me so that I can do my duty's.
Could not call guni this morning,the time she came in skype I was in the bathroom.
I was told by Tapu that Guni was in a hurry to go for bowling.
Tapu is worried as it is night time but i dont find anything wrong as they are too busy in
the day time more over their life is very first,as long as they does things with in dignity
and security it's fine.

SAPTAMI

To day is saptami. 25.09.09
7th day of Durga puja.
yesterday night went to near by puja mantap with tapu.
BEAUTIFUL .
I liked very much the idol, i could pay my respect hole heatedly,i can't remember when last I was so satisfied.
Hole heatedly i could prey for her blessings.

Durga pooja was first organized by raja Kangshanarayan of taherpur in rajsahi in the month of aswin
in bengal year 887 and then by Bhabanand majumder of Nadiya in 1606 by Gregorian calander.[calender
introduced in1582 by pope gregory XIII ]

According to one verson of hindu mythology goddess Durga appeared in the midest of the commoners
following preyers of king Kansa.
Making the occasion first Durga work shop was held at Taherpur kings palace.

DURGA POOJA (SASTHI)

TO DAY SASTHI, 24.09.09
FROM TODAY ACTUAL DURGA PUJA BEGINS.
As per Hindu mythology- devils became very powerful and they started to fight with god and godes
to dislodge them from
On my way to work place Bengali's have organized durga puja,this is the 1st year.
A group of Bengali's came to our house also some times back to inform and for introduction,
it is very difficult to explain others but the truth is-I have developed an inferiority complex,which
holds back to meet people ,I tried to analyze myself many a time but I could not get proper reply
from with in.
possible am a introverted person.
day before yesterday on my way to home i met one of them near puja place and given small chanda.
this morning I went to puja mantap to see Protima ,very nice.
Some time back Chandrasekhar took me to one astrologer in insistence of mrs.saha.
according to him our things will improve after 26th of this month.after pooja maa Durga leaves
earth to haven on 28 th,preying with hope he blesses me and my family for prosperity,she is'' DURGATHI
NASHINI'',she removes all suffering and gives success,she inspires to win over all odds.

aamar kahini

PREDICTIONS.........

Bengali's in general great believer of palmistry and astrology, I can say 99%,this is like part of life.
the more socially and economically we are in secured this ideology griping up the masses.
many believes this is science ,our life spun is connected with stars ,sun,moon etc.in one word human body
is related with earthy situations.
logically these thoughts are quite relevant and technically sound.
In past this science was in control of bramhins that too with mooni & rishis [people who sacrifice their day to day
life,stay away from attractions and prey through out their life for divines contact and blessings.]
with time things have changed, this subject enriched by many books and research, this became profession for many and in a big way.
Specially in India when ever there is an opportunity arises people start misusing and cheating.
Now a days end number of people are in this profession,most of them are without adequate knowledge and common people does not know who is write and who is wrong but what they know is an urgent remedy to solve all their problems and thus falls in to trap.

I am giving this introduction because i have come across with many horrify experiences on this subject.
Ms. Saha is convinced that this audiology can bring big fortune and change course of life.
we have tryed many but have not come across any such person who can change our fate.

CAR

1995 We bought our new Maruti 800. Mr.rajendran arranged car lone [ half amount] from canara bank.
This gentleman really an angle for me,a rare corrector.
its been a long time since then.though I had a car i did not learn driving properly,I never drove the car till date!
though have try ed 2/3 times also obtained a license that's all,people have every right to laugh at me.
That is what i am,spend my life just like that,vision less . a ship without a radder.
did not bother to utilize god's gifts.
Tapu used the car a lot during Guni's schooling days,it was really useful as long we were in madras.
even in bangalore also it was on the road.
After coming Titupur things changed , hardly we used the car.it is lying like junk with out maintainance.
of late i was thinking to dispose it off but restricted to utter having known Tapu's attachment and affection
to this car.
ultimately rather surprisingly when i raised the topic last week she did not object ,on the contrary she was looking
for reasonable buyers [I was told she got consent from Mr.Sekhar raju whom she trust like god].
Told Guni also,her condition is very pathatic.
I am sure she has some sort of gilt feeling in her mind,which is unnecessary.
I can read her mind,by seeing i can guess she is bleeding from in side,poor child,fighting with odds for no fault of
hers .
I strongly belive she will grow up with time,time will taught her what is life and how to walk in stroms.
We are going through under sevear storms,trying save our existance .
I had a talk with tapu who is in bangalore for look out a buyer with the help of Mr.raju,she is expected to
return by tomorrow and again will be leaving by next sundsy ,hopefuly during that period sale will be desided.

FIGHT

In real seance fighting for survival.
never before such situation occurred, have never gone through with such difficult period.
To day it appears i have been cornered by all sides,not finding a
way to come out,mentally and physically completely drained out.
Of course Age also a main factor ,these days dreams does not comes,what i see is utter failure in life.
What ever i do, every attempt falls like cards.
Never ever thought we will have to go through with such a phase.
The time ITC closed down their international business divn I thought there would be Que of exporters
for my service but in reality happened just opposite. in spite of my best efforts could not arrange a decent job
on the other hand a moderate earning which can take care our leaving.
from then onwards life became monotonous,every day is like burden for me, some of y so called relatives
even commented indecent manner.
Once Ruma said-what ever happened- happened for good as they were flying very high and deserves
this treatment.
I was astonished when heard this comment but realized this what i destined for.
Madhav also commented very uncivilized manner but i still spared him because whom all rated highly
and knew close , when they could comment like this why not others !