Wednesday, September 30, 2009

SHIP WITH OUT RADDER.

My present situation can be compared with a ship without radder.
there is no goal ,no destination,no vision .
just floating,I had a talk with Guni this morning,asked her whether the pcs of land we have can be sold. she did not agree,according to Tapu after paying guni's lone balance can kept in a bank as fix deposit
and from that interest we will maintain our livelihood.
Is that kind life is required! retirement?
Virtually to surrender to inability, a compromise formula just for leaving.
the point is the way we are living is it call living! day in and out with anxiety, tensions and more so it is been
unbearable as this process is on for past 10 years!
Tapu is restless there is enough reason to be, as far as I am concerned ,I am a confused man,when ever I find
light start dreaming but in reality that is only lightning which is a part of bad weather but the truth is
after storms always there is sunshine , the Question is when and how long to wait ,whether we can
withstand by this pressure.

Monday, September 28, 2009

TIME TO EXCHANGE GOOD WISHES

From today to next one week time to send Best wishes to all known once.
From this morning sent SMS to many, some yet to be sent.
sent a mail to guni yesterday evening itself,called over mobile to reach Maa but
could not speak as mobile is with Dollar,shall call tonight.

TYING TO KEEP MYSELF HAPPY BUT IT IS NOT SUPPOSE TO BE IN SPITE OF MY BEST EFFORTS.
LAST 45 DAYS THERE IS NO SELL.WHEN I SEE DURAI'S FACE I FILL GUILTY ,DON'T KNOW WHAT
TO DO ,HOW TO PROCEED.
Had a talk with Tapu this morning who is in Bangalore now,she wants to stay there till Thursday and
leaving on Friday.
Guni supposed to come on skype but didn't,I had to call her and came to know she was working somewhere,
she said she will call later but did not receive any call.
In nutshell things are not working with me at all,don't know what to do.
only thing I can do is to pray.

THIS COUNTRY HEADING TOWARDS HELL

THIS COUNTRY HEADING TOWARDS HELL .
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An effigy of demon king Ravana at Azad Maidan ahead on Dussera festival in Mumbai. PTI Photo
  • Photograph Photograph (1)
  • Dalits celebrate 'Ravana Mela' to oppose 'Dussehra'

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STAFF WRITER 15:21 HRS IST

Kanpur, Sept 28 (PTI) Thousands of dalits today took out a procession and held 'Ravana Mela' here to protest against the burning of Ravana's effigies on 'Dussehra'.

Ravana, a mythological character described as demon king in the Hindu epic 'Ramayana', is revered by the dalits who worship him as the symbol of bravery and sacrifice.

The event has been organised at Pukhraya by the 'Dalit Panther', an NGO opposed to the burning of Ravana's effigy on 'Dussehra' celebrated by the Hindus as the victory of good over evil.

"Making deformed effigies of Ravana and setting them on fire on 'Dussehra' every year hurts the feelings of dalits and the practice should be banned in the country," President of Dalit Panther Dhaniram Bauddh said.

The dalits in the area have been organising 'Ravana Mela' for the past ten years.

BIJOYA DASAMI

TO DAY BIJOYA DASHAMI.
MAA DURGA LEAVING THIS PLANET FOR A YEAR,AGAIN NEXT YEAR BY THIS TIME SHE WILL BE BACK WITH HER CHILDREN.
THIS CYCLE CONTINUES, FROM NOW ON PEOPLE GETS READY FOR NEXT YEAR TO RECEIVE HER.
ALONG WITH MANY A THINGS SHE LEAVES A MASSAGE OF KINDNESS AND TOLERANCE.
AS PER SYSTEM ON THIS DAY WE IMMERSE MAA DURGA'S IDOL AND AFTER THAT AS PER HER WISH- WE FORGET ALL DEFERENCE'S AND WE MEET EACH OTHER, EXCHANGE SWEETS WITH A PROMISE WE SHALL BE UNITED.

NOW A DAYS WE BECAME TOO MODERN ,FOR EVERY THING WE LOOK WITH A MICROSCOPE TO JUDGE
RIGHT OR WRONG,POSSIBLE OR IMPOSSIBLE ETC. BUT THE TRUTH

REMAINS THE MASSAGE WE GET
FROM OUR GOD AND GODES OR DURING POOJA WHAT EVER WE COMMIT IF WE CAN FULFILL, ROAD OF
LIFE WOULD BE SMOOTH AND SIMPLE.
ON THIS DAY BOWING MY HEAD I PRAY HER TO SAVE MY FAMILY FROM ALL ADVERSITY AND UNHOLINESS.
MAA,SHOWER YOUR BLESSINGS TO ME AND MY FAMILY.

Friday, September 25, 2009

MAHA ASTAMI

To day MAHA ASTAMI. 26.09.09
8th day of durga pooja.
This day is special,to day is main pooja,most impotent day for Bengali's.
this morning have spoken to my mother in Calcutta over phone.
She has gone old, it is my duty to stand for her at this age but my financial is so pathetic i am
not in a position to go to see her even,doing something is distant thinks.
MAA,please help me so that I can do my duty's.
Could not call guni this morning,the time she came in skype I was in the bathroom.
I was told by Tapu that Guni was in a hurry to go for bowling.
Tapu is worried as it is night time but i dont find anything wrong as they are too busy in
the day time more over their life is very first,as long as they does things with in dignity
and security it's fine.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

SAPTAMI

To day is saptami. 25.09.09
7th day of Durga puja.
yesterday night went to near by puja mantap with tapu.
BEAUTIFUL .
I liked very much the idol, i could pay my respect hole heatedly,i can't remember when last I was so satisfied.
Hole heatedly i could prey for her blessings.

Durga pooja was first organized by raja Kangshanarayan of taherpur in rajsahi in the month of aswin
in bengal year 887 and then by Bhabanand majumder of Nadiya in 1606 by Gregorian calander.[calender
introduced in1582 by pope gregory XIII ]

According to one verson of hindu mythology goddess Durga appeared in the midest of the commoners
following preyers of king Kansa.
Making the occasion first Durga work shop was held at Taherpur kings palace.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

DURGA POOJA (SASTHI)

TO DAY SASTHI, 24.09.09
FROM TODAY ACTUAL DURGA PUJA BEGINS.
As per Hindu mythology- devils became very powerful and they started to fight with god and godes
to dislodge them from
On my way to work place Bengali's have organized durga puja,this is the 1st year.
A group of Bengali's came to our house also some times back to inform and for introduction,
it is very difficult to explain others but the truth is-I have developed an inferiority complex,which
holds back to meet people ,I tried to analyze myself many a time but I could not get proper reply
from with in.
possible am a introverted person.
day before yesterday on my way to home i met one of them near puja place and given small chanda.
this morning I went to puja mantap to see Protima ,very nice.
Some time back Chandrasekhar took me to one astrologer in insistence of mrs.saha.
according to him our things will improve after 26th of this month.after pooja maa Durga leaves
earth to haven on 28 th,preying with hope he blesses me and my family for prosperity,she is'' DURGATHI
NASHINI'',she removes all suffering and gives success,she inspires to win over all odds.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Monday, September 21, 2009

PREDICTIONS.........

Bengali's in general great believer of palmistry and astrology, I can say 99%,this is like part of life.
the more socially and economically we are in secured this ideology griping up the masses.
many believes this is science ,our life spun is connected with stars ,sun,moon etc.in one word human body
is related with earthy situations.
logically these thoughts are quite relevant and technically sound.
In past this science was in control of bramhins that too with mooni & rishis [people who sacrifice their day to day
life,stay away from attractions and prey through out their life for divines contact and blessings.]
with time things have changed, this subject enriched by many books and research, this became profession for many and in a big way.
Specially in India when ever there is an opportunity arises people start misusing and cheating.
Now a days end number of people are in this profession,most of them are without adequate knowledge and common people does not know who is write and who is wrong but what they know is an urgent remedy to solve all their problems and thus falls in to trap.

I am giving this introduction because i have come across with many horrify experiences on this subject.
Ms. Saha is convinced that this audiology can bring big fortune and change course of life.
we have tryed many but have not come across any such person who can change our fate.

CAR

1995 We bought our new Maruti 800. Mr.rajendran arranged car lone [ half amount] from canara bank.
This gentleman really an angle for me,a rare corrector.
its been a long time since then.though I had a car i did not learn driving properly,I never drove the car till date!
though have try ed 2/3 times also obtained a license that's all,people have every right to laugh at me.
That is what i am,spend my life just like that,vision less . a ship without a radder.
did not bother to utilize god's gifts.
Tapu used the car a lot during Guni's schooling days,it was really useful as long we were in madras.
even in bangalore also it was on the road.
After coming Titupur things changed , hardly we used the car.it is lying like junk with out maintainance.
of late i was thinking to dispose it off but restricted to utter having known Tapu's attachment and affection
to this car.
ultimately rather surprisingly when i raised the topic last week she did not object ,on the contrary she was looking
for reasonable buyers [I was told she got consent from Mr.Sekhar raju whom she trust like god].
Told Guni also,her condition is very pathatic.
I am sure she has some sort of gilt feeling in her mind,which is unnecessary.
I can read her mind,by seeing i can guess she is bleeding from in side,poor child,fighting with odds for no fault of
hers .
I strongly belive she will grow up with time,time will taught her what is life and how to walk in stroms.
We are going through under sevear storms,trying save our existance .
I had a talk with tapu who is in bangalore for look out a buyer with the help of Mr.raju,she is expected to
return by tomorrow and again will be leaving by next sundsy ,hopefuly during that period sale will be desided.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

FIGHT

In real seance fighting for survival.
never before such situation occurred, have never gone through with such difficult period.
To day it appears i have been cornered by all sides,not finding a
way to come out,mentally and physically completely drained out.
Of course Age also a main factor ,these days dreams does not comes,what i see is utter failure in life.
What ever i do, every attempt falls like cards.
Never ever thought we will have to go through with such a phase.
The time ITC closed down their international business divn I thought there would be Que of exporters
for my service but in reality happened just opposite. in spite of my best efforts could not arrange a decent job
on the other hand a moderate earning which can take care our leaving.
from then onwards life became monotonous,every day is like burden for me, some of y so called relatives
even commented indecent manner.
Once Ruma said-what ever happened- happened for good as they were flying very high and deserves
this treatment.
I was astonished when heard this comment but realized this what i destined for.
Madhav also commented very uncivilized manner but i still spared him because whom all rated highly
and knew close , when they could comment like this why not others !

Friday, September 18, 2009

life is hell

For last 40 days there is no sell.
things were never so bad before,very upset with hole situation.
I can read Durai's mid and appreciate his p0sition.
I have discussed with many and understand given that in this business patience is must.
but mr.durai in money matter very impatience,he wants money at any cost for that ethics or manners are
immaterial.I remember- considering his then financial position I have forgone lot of money on account of
my commission.
I call it my fate ,otherwise why i am in such a position!
To day i fill i can start something my won,but where is money?
Even to get one financial partner is very difficult whom I can trust.
God please come to my rescue as i am helpless...please help me.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

'' SEREE SREE SIDDHI DATA GANESHAYA NAMOHA # SREE SREE MAA DURGAYO NAMOHA NAMO''

To day MAHALAYA. Maa Durga starts her journey from haven to earth. this is the biggest festival for Bengali's.
Every bengalies wear new cloths,they eat best food , clean and decorate their house in best possible way. they forgo all their headship and keep themselves happy these days.relatives comes in ,exchanges gifts within best of ones ability.

The belive is who ever conduct Durga puja with sincerity,he or she will be blessed by the godes and all sufferings will go.

people from deferment part of India celebrate as navaratri, to day is the Ist day of navaratri.

Left calcutta 1978 , to day Imotional attachment is almost nil with this festival,possible reason i dont have money
to celebrate.al though i am not very attached with festival but fill sorry for Tapu.
She is very fond of pooja and social affairs but see the destiny,she is in back foot.I always try to normalise her pain and
sorrow but it is not deficult to undestsnd her inside burning.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Aamar kahini

I don't know why -but seems to be true, my communication system is faulty .
in many occasions i have noticed no one in my family thinks with mind, for every thing i have to intervene
for corrective measure.
During ITC days i was so busy with money making that all spending went to pits,listening to my wife and
her associates.
she is an woman from deferent world.you can do any thing under her nose taking her in to confidence and with little
pampering.
I can't shade my responsibility and true that i was not focused,unaware of true hardship,the reality of life.
trusted people ,so called relatives,Ruma and company used Tapu as a ladder .she never had sharp brain which
ruma has had,a crooked and selfish mind,very sharp,like jackal.
she used tapu time to time and settled themselves with my heard earning money.
to day blem game will not solve any perpous but it is true Tapu hided many a things [even her contributions
to her yeonger sisters marrage] to me for thair welfare which no one cares to mind.
Thats the world.
Selflessly One person realized our mistake that was Mastermosai.
it is too late, have burnt my finger . i have to blame myself.
Always praying for an opportunity to almighty but fear the way Tapu is - If that day comes would there be
any deferance! honestly i have my own doubt.

aamar kahini

I really don't find much to talk about my Calcutta days where I spent beginning of my life,from childhood to early youth.
there were no direction,a monotonous life.
what i did,why i did,cant find any answer from with in today.
it was like a joke,I was my own boss,who had no knowledge of life and there were none who could properly
Gide with iron hands.
I have to blame myself for everything , i can't run away or hide the things,there is no point to glorify .
Some time I fill what ever happened that was destined to happen other wise such transformations in my life would
not have taken place,whatever mistakes i have committed most of them are circumstantial.
I knew my association was not good still i used to mingle with them!
At this stage to asses right or wrong does not make any seance but one thing i know for sure that i have not
caused any harm to anyone but my parents were heart very much .
They were hurt by me not being utilizing my potential, on the other hand thrown away all opportunity in
to pits.
Wasted precious time,lots of time and scope i have wasted without realizing value of it,in simple wards I have wasted my youth just like that .

Monday, September 14, 2009

Aamar Kahini


WITH OUT GUNI'S HELP I WOULD NOT HAVE STARTED THIS JOURNEY.
I PAY MY GRATITUDE TO MY ANGLE.

My date of birth 7th may 1952 according to my school certificate.
Neither of my parents could confirm ever that this date of birth as correct,according to my mother it should be sometimes
in October,some time close to Durga puja but which year can't remember.I was admitted directly in 2nd standard in the school hence this confusion.
We are five brothers, I am the elder one,though my mother gave birth a female child who dyed when she was 15 months old and she was her first child.
my mother could not forget that shock for a long time.
She is a soft spoken person,she did not get her dues neither from her husband nor from her son's.
To day I must con face that I was a rabble and one of the reason-some how I was not
getting along with my father, I agree I had many flows but .................

he is no more , pointless to stretch or measure incidents farther or measuring
point by point.
Our childhood was very ordinary,my father was a state government employee and Maintaining 5 children
was not easy but life was not that bad also as those days extra requirements and luxury were not there.
we used to go to school by walk that too with bare foot!
None of us[ Brother's] could secure excellency in study's,amongst all I was sharp but unfortunately
because of bad association and improper guidance I could not progress as per father's wish.
fortunately at the right time I moved to Madras and that changed my life and living.
by the grace of god things were more than I deserved.